However, I have discovered another reason I have not worn these pants in so long and that is:

I have camel toes!

I am telling you that I did not have these toes when I left the house this morning. Somewhere during my freeway ride, though, my pants done snuck up on me! I have now pulled my pants from that area several times (and isn�t it so attractive to watch me do that as I walk through the parking lot?), but they are just�attracted. Not that I blame them really.

Now I remember that I used to get the dreaded camel toes when I wore these pants oh those many moons ago. At the time, I worked in the Learning Center of my college as an English Tutor and Clerical Peon. There was another guy there who swore up and down that he was a Good Christian Man but accosted me continuously with the most outrageous sexual harassment I have ever experienced. Believe me when I tell you that this jerk simply loved my camel toes in these pants.

I therefore stopped wearing the offending white cotton pants and into the back of my closet they went. Frankly, I am stunned they have survived the numerous trips to Goodwill I have made since, dropping off old clothes.

I think I�ll be sitting at my desk a lot today�

In other news, I am so very proud of myself today! My alarm clock goes off at 6:30 am each morning. However, around 75% of the time, I wake up between 6:00 and 6:15 (even on weekends, which sucks the big nut, let me tell you). The thing is, I really don�t have to get in to the shower until 7:15. Generally speaking, I watch the news until 7:00 and then do 10-15 minutes of Yoga stretches to work out the kinks before I get going.

I am most definitely NOT a morning person.

Here�s the thing, though�since I broke my glasses a few weeks ago, I can not see a thing when I wake up until I actually get my ass out of bed and put my contacts in. Obviously, I have to do this before I can watch the news, otherwise I�d just be listening to the news.

Since I already have to get out of bed that early, it�s been bugging me for the past few weeks that I don�t just stay up and do something more productive with that time. So this morning�I actually worked out!

I would love to say I will be doing this every morning, because in truth it would help me out a lot. It would free up at least an hour of my time in the evenings. Also, since I tend to work until 6:30-7:00 every night, I very often end up working out so late that my endorphins are all still partying like it�s 1999 when the rest of my body is trying to settle down and get some sleep for the night. I have the feeling this is one reason I often have trouble sleeping. Obviously, if I get the physical activity out of the way first thing in the morning, all that�s left to do at night is chill.

I also know that working out in the mornings will actually get me going in a lot more positive way. It will get my body moving and the afore-mentioned endorphins flowing and I will be energized and ready to tackle the day, right?

It�s just that I know me. I�ve tried this before, actually. I made a concerted effort to make myself get out of bed early and work out every morning. It didn�t work. When faced with the choice of putting forth the energy it would take to get my bod out of bed (not to mention get moving, sweating and breathing heavy for an extended period of time) or to stay nestled in my snug and very comfy bed, I always opt for the latter. It doesn�t matter how much better I will feel after I exercise; how much better my body will look. At that moment, all that matters is how good it feels to stay in bed as long as possible.

So maybe I should forgo buying new glasses for a while; at least until this getting out of bed early becomes a habit. Much like that waking up at the ungodly hour of 6:15am, even on the weekends. I didn�t have as much energy for the workout as I do at night, but in the end I know it would be better for me (and the energy will probably increase, anyway).

And let�s face it�when John is in town, half the time I end up spending about the same amount of time in the morning sweating and breathing heavy and I don�t seem to mind that very much, so what�s the diff?

~~~

So last night I came across one of Huell Howser�s shows on PBS. First of all, I don�t know how many of ya�ll out there have seen his shows, but Mr. Howser just cracks me the fuck up. He is just the most earnest man on the planet and everything is just sparkling new to him. He gets excited about the most mundane of things. It�s all very entertaining.

Anyway, on last night�s show he was up by John at a place called Moss Landing and the Elkhorn Slough. We have driven past this area a few times because it�s about half way between Santa Cruz and Monterey, about half an hour away from John�s pad. It�s a nice area, but I really had no idea how nice until I watched Mr. Howser last night. I called John. The next time I go up there, we are definitely renting a kayak and heading for the Elkhorn Slough.

Moss Landing is a coastal town and has a little marina and all of that; very cute. The slough, though, is a long strip of muddy water (looks kind of like a slow moving river) with a wetlands area, too. Because it is salt water and comes inland off of the ocean, there are bunches of Harbor Seals, Sea Lions and Sea Otters scattered all through the area. Because it is a wetlands area and has tons of mud filled with worms, there are hundreds of species of birds that travel through and take a food break. For a wildlife lover like me, this place looks like a slice of heaven! I am so jazzed; I totally want to go up there like this weekend and head on out.

I think I should probably wait until the weather improves, though. Just as it has been here, that area has been cool and socked in with fog all day long for about the last week and there�s no end in sight.

This is June in California. We call it �June Gloom.� Every June we get fog in the mornings, every morning. I rather like it, actually; it just staves off the heat of the upcoming summer a little bit. Now that I want to get out on that kayak and play with Sea Otters, however, I want the damn fog gone!

~~~

I watched Sense and Sensibility last night. I�ve seen it before, of course, but I forgot how very much I love that movie. :) It was so good! I then tried to watch Celebrity which I also like a lot, but it was too late and I had to go to sleep.

Tonight, however�set your VCRs, guys and gals�it�s America�s Next Top Model night!

Yay!

Sadly, nobody I know has yet discovered the true beauty that is this show and so I am each week alone in my model-joy.

~~~

By the way�the ghost in my pad appears to really love fucking with my dishes as they dry in the rack. It used to be she�d turn over a glass or two. She now likes to totally rearrange them once I leave the room. It�s very weird. I never see them moving, either. I leave the room, can hear the dishes moving around and when I run back down the bowling alley/hallway* to the kitchen they�re just�moved. She has been doing this about once every two weeks for the past couple of months. I keep forgetting to write about it, but since it happened again last night it was fresh in the ol� memory.

So if none of this is really happening and I am just some sort of a loon, Stephen King needs to be writing a book about me cuz apparently I got me some matter-moving talents, boy howdy!

Plus, if this is all in the power of my mind, the next time I see George Clooney I am going to make his pants fall down.

I say all of this not because I believe this is all in my mind, but because I know that 75% of the people I talk to about the ghosts in my pad just think I am completely off my nutt. They always just know there is a logical explanation.

What I want to know is, where are these ghosts when they�re not fucking with my dishes? If maggiesonic gets that job, I am totally having her out to my pad to check things out. :)

~~~

Hey and what is this crap about a �cool� 32-year-old as opposed to a �frumpy� 32-year old????? Since when do 32 year-olds get flippin� frumpy already???? This means I conceivably passed frumpy four freakin� years ago!!!!!!

~~~

And to end: �98% of the time, the servers are as happy as punch and whistle away with no problems�????????????

Bull shit.

* I have a really, really long hallway. When showing people around my pad, I always say �and here is the bowling alley-slash-hallway�

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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