Yes, I have returned from Las Vegas. No, I did not win tons of money...in fact, I left a few hundred dollars behind. Evidently, Chinese Fortune Cookies are big fat liars. Oh well; at least I had a lot of fun while I was losing it.

I really did have a good time and met lots of groovy people. One funny thing: this guy asked me if I was a therapist or something because I had to be the most positive person he'd ever met. I practically choked on my vodka.

Now that I am home, things are not so good...The day I left, our Cash Application Clerk here at work decided to have an emotional breakdown and walked out. Plus, she blamed her breakdown on me. She said I was too moody to work with and told another employee that I talked "down" to her. Actually, had The Little Big Man agreed to simply moving her desk, she would have stayed (she sits right beside me). He rightfully said that moving her would not solve the problem and also refused to allow her to dictate to him how the department would be set up.

Interesting...Interesting for numerous reasons.

1. This gal (Hilda) was very friendly with me. She would talk to me all the time and would constantly ask my advice on numerous issues from her personal life to her professional one. If I'm so f'n moody and condescending why would she talk to me at all, let alone actively seek out my counsel?

2. She has severe emotional problems. I've never known a person to cry so often at work as Hilda. She was just basically an unhappy person in general. She was also extremely hard on herself.

3. Whenever I did have to speak to her about anything work-related, I treated her with kid gloves, knowing full well what an emotional wreck she was and that she would end up taking everything I said ten times more seriously than it was. Anytime The Little Big Man had to point anything out to her, she actually said that he was "picking on" her, so I knew she would feel that way about me, as well.

4. She had this exact problem at her last job.

The thing that happened which spurred all of this on was this (I will attempt a Reader's Digest Condensed version): Wed. evening, her deposit was out of balance. I looked at it briefly and then suggested we put it aside and look at it again in the morning, with fresh eyes. Thursday morning, The LBM had us both in his office, trying to find the problem. It was found in a matter of minutes. She left his office in tears because she had missed a very obvious error on her part. To me it was no big deal and hey - I missed it Wed. night too, right? So I said as much to her. I even left her a note before I left for Vegas at noon (she was at lunch), telling her not to be so hard on herself and to have a nice weekend.

I'm such a bitch, ain't I?

So she gets back from lunch and proceeds to tell everyone how awful I am to work with. Whatever.

Today we had our monthly department meeting. Afterward, LBM and I met with our third in command, Rob. Rob proceeded to give us a laundry list of what is seen by the members of our department as our managerial weaknesses. I know for a fact that the way LBM is evidently viewed by the members of this department is a lot of hooey. While I am willing to take a good long look at myself (and have been), I suspect that the image they have of me is also out of whack.

What really pisses me off is that we've never heard any of this before. Hilda told The LBM that her problems with me have been going on for at least the last six months. Say what?

I have sat down, in an "off-the-record" manner, with each of the people working for me. I asked for their feedback about me as a manager, actively looking for ways to improve. I wanted to make sure there were no unforseen rocks in the road. In addition, we have monthly meetings and both LBM and I have told them many times to speak up if they have issues or problems; if not to me or him than to Human Resources. Never have either of us been informed that I am moody or condescending or anything negative; never has LBM heard he is unfair and too emotional, as he was told today (again - total b.s.).

I am very frustrated and am now even suspect of the people working for us. I've always thought we had such a great team of professionals and that our communication was, if not perfect, certainly stellar. I am now torn between fretting over feelings I may have been hurting inadvertantly and thinking these children need a good swift kick in the pants or need to get out there in the real world and figure out how good they have it here.

Of course, the bottom line is that if you don't have the balls to speak up when you have a problem, then shame on you.

Thus ends my day.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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