-Benjamin Franklin

no further comment required.

~~~

My friend, Heather, just wrote me an e-mail in which she advised me that her husband of approximately eight years has been having an affair. He has now left her and their two kids and has moved in with the mistress and her two kids. Heather's eldest child knows exactly what happened and why her daddy has left.

Nice, huh?

Of course, to top off the matter, Heather and he who shall now be called "Cheating Asshole" just bought a new house about sixteen months ago. Heather also quit her job about four months ago and started running her own childcare business out of the house. She went through all of those months of red-tape crap one has to go through to get licensed and everything; all the while Cheating Asshole was sleeping with someone else and more than likely making plans to leave her.

And you know what he gave as his reason for cheating on her and subseqently for leaving her? She has gained weight.

Heather gained weight in the years they've been married, so obviously she deserves to be mistreated and her children deserve it as an extension. Of course, since she found out about his cheating, Heather has lost 26 pounds. That doesn't seem to have caused Cheating Asshole to re-think his position and change his mind about the cheating. In fact, he only left her and moved in with his girlfriend after she started losing weight. Gee, do you think it might be because her gaining weight weasn't the reason at all?

I think that's what pisses me off more than anything. OK, he's a big asshole for cheating and lieing. But then when he's caught he tries to turn it around as if it's Heather's fault, saying he did it cuz she gained weight. It's not bad enough that he's a horrible cheating bastard; the kick to Heather's ego, the horrible thought of not really knowing this person you adore and have been married to for several years - all of that isn't enough damage, right? He has to try and make it even worse by blaming her and something so trivial as her gaining weight - which is of course something that wears on her and makes her feel bad on a daily basis anyway. He had to try and justify his cheating asshole behavior by blaming Heather, or trying to do so.

Of course, I pointed out that his doing so was only a meager attempt on his part to ease his own guilt. Hey, if he can blame her he won't have to feel guilty about abandoning his children, right?

Oh, I might add that this is not the first time Cheating Asshole has lived up to his new name. There has been another mistress (one that I know of anyway) - about four years ago he met someone online and ended up having an affair with her. Not just an online affair; they took it a step farther and hooked up in real life. He brought up Heather's weight at the time, too.

I understand that sometimes good people do not-so-good things, like cheat on their partners. I also understand that cheating is usually just a symptom of deeper problems within a relationship ("Yeah? Well that symptom is fucking my wife"). However, I expect people to act like responsible adults when they are, in fact, adults and especially when they have children (truthfully, that's probably the only time I expect people to act like responsible adults). He cheated with one gal. Ick, but OK so he and Heather discovered they had some problems they needed to deal with. Fine - deal with them. Getting "off the hook" once is not an engraved invitation to go ahead and be Cheating Asshole until you get caught again.

Even at that time, frankly, it was my considered opinion that Heather shouldn't give him another chance. I didn't tell her that of course; I just played the "supportive friend" role as usually played by Bonnie Hunt. However, I honestly felt that the guy was not in to the whole marriage as much as Heather and that it was only a matter of time before he cheated again. However, Heather was determined to do the right thing which in her mind was forgive him and try to make their marriage work. I can't help but applaud her hard work, really. It only makes the fact that he's such a bastard all the more difficult to stomache, though.

Cheating Asshole's new "home", with his new girlfriend and his new kids, is in the next city over from me. He'd better thank his luck stars that I don't know the exact address...

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