I did, however, just have an Almond Joy. And yes, I�m supposed to be on a diet.

Oops.

Actually, I�m not even concerned about it. I would be, except that sweets are not my true temptation. This was really just a fluke; an urge, a craving. One that I gave in to, obviously, but not one that is likely to recur on a regular basis.

I can�t say as much for chicken tacos and roast beast sammiches, though. Damn, I�m hungry�

I do think my diet is working, though. Yay for me. :)

And yes, I know I�ve been rather obsessed with my diet and physical appearance over the past couple of years. I�m working on it. In my heart I know I shouldn�t be so concerned; so long as I can do the physical things that I like to do, who cares if my ass is just a wee bit bigger than it was three years ago, right? It�s just hard�it�s easy to know that our societal values are fucked up; it�s just hard to act accordingly when you�ve lived your whole life being brainwashed by that very same society.

Here�s the thing: Although I have always been physically active, I have always struggled with my weight. It goes up, it comes down; it goes up, it comes down. I can�t eat like a normal person or I gain weight. And I�m being totally serious, here. As a rule, I can only have one real meal a day. For two of my meals each day, I can have no more than yogurt or a Slim Fast or fruit or veggies; no more than a few fat grams. I usually eat like this during the day (just cuz it�s easier that way), then have a normal dinner�if I dare have lunch, I can�t really eat a normal dinner. If I do, I have to make sure I do not make a habit out of it, or I gain weight.

So when you hear me say (or read me write�or whatever) that I get in to the habit of eating real food and then it�s hard to get out of that habit�what I�m really saying is that I had more than one �real meal� for more than one day in a row. And I liked it.

It sucks, yes�especially since I REALLY LOVE FOOD.

No�really. I love it. It�s one of my favorite things. Therefore, my not being able to eat it as much as I would like just leaves me obsessed with it.

And the thing is, we all know how hard it is to lose weight, especially over, say, the age of thirty. Age and its dastardly effects on one�s metabolism. What a ride, babies.

My metabolism was pretty much nonexistent to begin with. I�ve always had to work very hard, physically, to stay in the decent shape others seem to walk effortlessly in to. Now, with age, my metabolism seems to be slowing down even more. *Sigh* I guess it was just bound to happen. So if I gain a few pounds because, for example, I ate three squares four days in a row, it will take forever to get rid of that extra weight. And how can I remain the same bootylicious babe we all know and love with extra pounds on said booty?

Even more sucky than not being able to eat the way I would like to is being vain. This is really where I struggle, because I know that the size of my ass shouldn�t matter to me and yet it does.

Most of the time, I do well in regard to my vain tendencies. Hell, I can�t even be bothered to wear makeup to work, for Pete�s sake. I haven�t worn it on a regular basis for over a decade now. I don�t care about impressing anyone at work with how long my eyelashes are, ya know? I am far to busy impressing them with how brilliant I am. Men don�t need to wear makeup to prove how brilliant they are, so why should I (plus, I find that looking attractive at work can divert other�s attentions from where they should be, namely on my brilliance�)?

But, you know�when I want to look good, I want to look good dammit! And I don�t want my ass to be larger than it was three years ago!

And if anyone leaves a note in my Guestbook about how they can eat just anything they want and they never gain a pound, I will track them down. And I will be wielding a large hunting knife.

~~~

John accidentally said he loved me as he was leaving Sunday. Ha!

I said �I love you� as he was leaving (I often do. Maybe it�s a lack of pride, but I�ve never been one not to say it if that�s how I feel), and he said �I love you too.� I gave him lots of crap about it, rest assured.

�Oh, you do, do you? Hmm�And you�re an honest person, so if you said it, you must have meant it!�

I�ve never seen him run down my stairs so quickly�

Problem is, I know he only said it out of habit. It�s a natural response when someone says �I love you.�

~~~

I once had a male friend throw himself on the ground and wrap his body around my feet so that I couldn�t walk. This was done in an effort to get me to stay at a party I was about to leave.

Just thought I�d share.

~~~

I don�t suppose anyone watched Bruce Springsteen�s special last Friday night�it was good. He�s still a cutie, even as an old man. He just has so much fun on stage; it�s really great to see and it�s contagious. OK, a lot of what he does is extremely rehearsed anymore (I don�t remember him being that way, say, 20 years ago), but if one can overlook that stuff he�s still the greatest live rock and roll artist ever, in my humble opinion.

Although, I must say�rehearsed frivolity is a huge pet peeve of mine.

~~~

Oh, John and I had dinner with his son, Bobby (or �Robert� as he now prefers to be called), Bobby�s wife Leah and their son (Robert or Bobby Jr.) on Saturday night. That kid is just the cutest little thing! He�s going to be three later this month. He was so well-behaved, I was stunned. Bobby and Leah are expecting another son in June.

I hadn�t seen the kid in many months and ya�ll know how quickly kids change. Plus, this kid has the John genes in him, which means he already looks like a little man (John is One Big Dude, ya�ll: 6�4� tall and weights about 230 lbs. Yum.). I seriously could not take my eyes off that kid all through dinner. He was just such a treat. :)

~~~

I applied to be a volunteer for the American Red Cross.

~~~

I�m also not watching American Idol, by the way.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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