I am just so disillusioned right now. Not that this is the first time, but I have been a tad overwhelmed by it all recently.

I know we�re being lied to. It�s just ignorant to say we aren�t, because we always are; sometimes justifiably and especially so in a time of war. We all know we�ve been lied to in the past, so don�t give me any baloney here. We all know now that FDR more than likely knew Pearl Harbor was going to be bombed ahead of time and allowed it to happen as justification to enter WWII. We all know that Reagan�s Administration lied about sneaky little deals with the Contras and supposed �Freedom Fighters� in Central America. We all know that lie upon lie was fed to the American Public throughout the Viet Nam era, including but not limited to lies about just what country our troops were even deployed to in the later years of that war. If you still think Oswald acted alone, you�re in the minority. And don�t even get me started on the drug war.

Lie after lie, administration after administration. Perhaps a lot of lies our government tells us are necessary. You know � national security and all of that. I�m willing to concede that. I�m also willing to concede the necessity of America getting in to WWII. Perhaps, though, and this is just a suggestion�perhaps sometimes the government lies to us not for our own good but because they know that if we knew what they were really up to, they wouldn�t have their jobs for long.

It�s interesting to me though, that when I happen to voice this opinion in any way � say, by suggesting that we don�t know everything our government knew BEFORE the planes flew on Sept. 11 � the looks of disgust I get are just amazing; the condescending cries of �Conspiracy Theorist� when really we all know that�s a commonly-accepted and politically correct term for �Complete Wackadoo.� And why is that exactly, when really every action in history was probably initiated by a �conspiracy� of more than one person? We just don�t know about it until after the fact.

Barbara and I got in to this pretty heavily before the war started � probably about a year ago. We were discussing the possibility of whether or not the government had foreknowledge of the Sept. 11 terrorist activities and failed to act. I just don�t trust that our government was honest with us about the whole thing and I have a lot of suspicions. The thing that got me that day was the vehemence with which she defended the actions of our government, without even entertaining the notion that we may have been lied to; without even looking at the articles and photos I was offering to show her. And this is someone who is no fan of the Bush-man, let me tell you. She just would not even consider that our government might possibly lie about something so huge and devastating.

Uh�yeah, I�m sure the people who were stationed in Pearl Harbor some sixty-plus years ago might share that view, too.

And Barbi is not alone. People all over just cried out in disgusted offense when some French dude suggested that perhaps no plane even flew in to the Pentagon, without even bothering to look at the pictures first (and uh�did ya happen to look at the pictures? Cuz ya know what? That hole in the Pentagon wasn�t that big. I�d really like someone to show me how a jet fit in to the hole, pierced only the outer floor of the building {it has layers, like an onion} and yet left no rear end sticking out the back.. And hey � this is the freakin� Pentagon. Are you telling me there are no video cameras running 24 hours a day for security purposes? Like hundreds of them? Isn�t it a tad odd that not one of them caught a glimpse of a massive airplane flying in to this building? There are other irregularities, too. I have no idea what went on there. I�m just saying�just because the government says something happened, that doesn�t mean that�s really what happened.)

The response to questions such as the ones I touched on above is generally to accuse the person asking the questions of being either Un-American or a wacky Conspiracy Theorist. It�s always, �Let�s try to just bash the trouble maker and their reputation rather than actually answer the questions.� Which leads one to ask why they don�t just answer the questions, instead.

Hey, if anyone can answer any of my questions with actual, provable fact, please do.

And as a little aside here�There is a local news program here in LA that sometimes really chaffs my ass. A few mornings ago, I heard them discussing the differences between our good ol� solid and trustworthy, regular guy President Dubya and �Slick Willie� as they still insisted on calling Bill Clinton�You know, Bill Clinton may have lied to us�but thus far, it appears his lies were limited to just how much head he received while sitting behind his desk in the oval office. And ya know what? I�d rather he lie to me about that (and let�s face it � what married man wouldn�t have?) than how many terrorists are really being paid by the US government or how a multi-billion dollar tax cut is going to translate in to better educated and healthier children or how your wire-tapping my neighbor�s phone is all in the name of Homeland Security.

But really, this diatribe was meant to be about my own personal faith in our elected officials and how it is pretty much nonexistent.

This morning, I read a news article about how Jessica Lynch can not recall what exactly happened during those days she was held as a �Prisoner of War� in Iraq. Classic case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, right? And seeing as I know what this shit is, I should be sympathetic, right? RIGHT?

Not that I am not sympathetic to this gal�s plight. She obviously went through something that she shouldn�t have had to go through. I�m very glad she�s home now and on her way to recovery and I wish her and her family nothing but well. But you know what my immediate thought was when I read about her lack of memory?

�How convenient.�

Isn�t that horrible? I obviously have no idea whether this woman was or was not a prisoner of war or how badly she was treated as such. I have her war wounds to go by and a few days wherein she was missing. Now that she has no memory, that may be all any of us ever have.

How convenient.

I also have only limited ideas as to why, if she was not actually a POW, we would have been lied to about it; what would have been the purpose? I may be wrong, but her whole situation just doesn�t add up in my book.

1. We were initially told there were seven POWs. Seven. This is also the number of POWs Iraq claimed to have captured. This is the same seven that were recently released: the five from the maintenance crew and the other two from the helicopter.

2. I understand that perhaps our military knew only that she was missing. However, Iraq paraded the POWs on television. They were proud to have the POWs. If Jessica was a POW, why wouldn�t they have claimed her as such?

3. Why such an apparent huge difference in how the 7 POWs and Jessica were treated? The others were�I mean, sure they were held prisoner and terrified every day and some were injured�but relatively speaking they appear to have been treated decently.

I�m not saying we did anything wrong here, really. I�m just saying that my hunch is that Jessica was never a POW and was probably never �rescued� as such. I think she was injured and in a hospital, where our guys found her, with or without the assistance of that Iraqi dude who supposedly walked six miles in the dessert � twice � to help in her rescue. And then, in a huge Public Relations effort, the nice little story about a guy walking six miles in the desert - twice�well, that was all just fabricated so that we could have what really was the first semi-positive light in this war.

And see, now that she is conveniently suffering from PTSD, we will never know.

Or, maybe I�m wrong. But in light of so many other questions about this war, exactly how many soldiers have died, exactly how many journalists have died and why, exactly how many Iraqi civilians have died, exactly how supportive of our efforts there the Iraqi people really are, and oh � how about the vary basis for this war which apparently, because we haven�t actually found any weapons of mass destruction, has transformed in to �Liberating Iraq��in light of all of these questions�I just don�t think I am wrong.

But it sucks that I am so distrustful of the very people in whose hands my life, my livelihood and my rights lay.

When Colin Powell addressed the U.N. to provide �proof� that our Weapons of Mass Destruction charges against Iraq were true, I said to my sister Sondra at the time: �Well, a lot of it looked like proof; but that�s if you believe what Colin Powell is telling you.� He showed us satellite pictures of buildings and fields and then told us what we�re looking at. Would most of us have known if he was not telling us the truth about what those buildings housed? I don�t want to think that Colin Powel is lying to me; he most especially as he is really the only on in that cabinet I ever trusted at all. But I can�t say I trust him anymore.

And now that we�re in there, really looking for these elusive weapons�when we find them, and you know we will, I won�t believe a word of it. I haven�t thus far and I�m sure I wouldn�t believe it unless I was face to face with a capsule of white powder that was stamped �Made in Iraq�. Why? Because A) I don�t believe for a minute we really cared if the weapons were there or not; we would have started the war anyway. Therefore, there may well have been none. B) Now that we got in to this war under the guise of weapons violations, we�d sure as hell better find �em. And if we don�t find any and instead some general gets on tv and says � �See this warhead here? It recently housed nerve gas.� Are most of us going to know any better or would we just believe what we�re being told?

Of course we�re going to believe them. Why would we assume and moreover who the hell wants to believe that our government is lying, that perhaps they have a secret agenda that they have declined to share with us? Who wants to believe that the United States of America, Land of the Brave, Home of the Free; that we may not always be right?

And by the way � if I hear one more person tell me that the Iraqi people were persecuted and tortured under Saddam�s regime (as if I am so ignorant that I didn�t know this before) and we therefore had every right to initiate this war, I am going to commit a violent crime. Therefore, please do not bother. I have never argued the fact that the man is/was evil. Also, save that other argument because the fact that the war has now been decisively won doesn�t mean we were right in what we did. We all expected the war would be over by now � that was not anywhere near the point in protesting it. Winning equals winning. It does not equal legal. It does not equal right. It does not equal morally correct.

So what was the point of this entry, anyway? I guess I was just a bit disappointed this morning, after reading that article. It�s as if I always assume the worst about my own country nowadays. It�s a very sad commentary. And I�m beginning to understand why Jessie Ventura was voted in to a Governorship. Because who do you trust?

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