Josh Gracin made me cry.

What? I�m not made of stone here, people.

When his wife (who was finally showing a little bit of emotion of her own, I might add) brought his daughter up on stage and he sang to her, I lost it. I teared up.

And he actually sounded pretty good, too. I am still happy to say, however, that he is history.

A place the Lakers are headed for if they don�t start playing some freakin� basketball! I actually missed most of last night�s game, but I just spoke with Barbi (see below), so I know there were foul and referee issues, but when Shaq and Kobe are the only ones playing, you�re not going to win very many games at this level in the Western Conference. I tuned in at the end of the third quarter and they were losing by thirty points. When I checked back again, the white guys and other assorted bench warmers were playing, so even Phil Jackson had given up.

I thought during the last two games of their series against Minnesota that they had finally started playing like the Lakers. What? The hell? If we can�t win just because stinkin Rick Fox is injured, we don�t deserve to.

~~~

So while I was brushing my teeth this morning, I was thinking of the terribly amusing notion of my running for public office (something I considered, albeit briefly, when I was about twenty). Following is a list of reasons I would never be able to run for public office:

1. I am really not good at making people like me. Just ask my co-workers.

2. I am far too opinionated and really don�t feel the need to be diplomatic about such things. No, I don�t walk around talking about the evil that is George Bush all day, but if the topic happens to come up in conversation I am not shy about sharing my opinions. And I don�t really water them down for public consumption�well, not much anyway.

3. I have far too many skeletons in my closet and apparently they never turn to dust and just blow away, much as Buffy might have us believe otherwise.

4. There are even incriminating photos of me floating around out there. In fact, I even have a copy of one of me hanging my bare behind out the window of a limo. Ah. Good times.

5. I like to drink. I like to smoke.

~~~

American Idol Review Conversation with Barbara

ME:
However, I don�t know what you�re talking about when you say he (Josh Gracin) is hard as a rock. The guy hasn�t been working out with his unit lately (Hee-hee��working out with his unit�).

BARBARA:
Yeah, I guess he is kind of soft now. But he�s up there in Hollywood, livin� the life of Riley, probably eating really well.

M:
�Livin� the life of Riley?�

B:
Yeah, haven�t you heard that expression before?

M:
Well, yes, but�I think only in books.

B:
Really?

M:
You�re so funny. How many people do you know who use phrases like �Livin the life of Riley�? And by the way, who was Riley anyway?

B:
I don�t know. It�s like, my friend Jo is always saying, �Honest to Pete.�

M:
I wonder if that Pete is the same Pete as in �For Pete�s sake.�

B:
Hmm�yeah, I�ll bet it is.

M:
Maybe that Pete is like St. Peter and people used to say �Honest to Pete� instead of �I swear to God.� And they say "For Pete's sake" instead of "For Christs's sake" and stuff.

B:
Hmm�you may have something there.

M:
You just crack me up. We should tape these conversations.

B:
Why? I�m not funny like you are.

M:
I intentionally make jokes. You are just naturally amusing.

B:
Did you actually see any of American Idol Tuesday night?

M:
Only Clay�s first song, which was really good. I guess I should be glad I missed his second one, which was �Grease�. I heard he did a little butt-wiggle.

B:
But Randy liked "his moves."

M:
I think they were all really just making fun of him.

B:
I hope he wins, but I think Ruben probably will.

M:
Clay is a lot more versatile, I will say. And you know, he never hits a bad note. I�ve actually heard one or two out of Ruben.

B:
Alisa is always voting for Ruben.

M:
She actually votes?

B:
Yeah, she votes. She loves him.

M:
Ruben is just so cute. I love his little dimples way up high on his cheekbones.

B:
Yeah, if he and Kimberly made babies together, they would just be bundles of dimples.

M:
Maybe they will.

B:
Lets start a rumor.

M:
We can sell a story to the National Enquirer.

B:
Yeah, I need some extra cash for my Alaska trip.

M:
Would you just shut the fuck up about that damn Alaska trip already?

B:
Tee-hee.

Joe is sick. He�s got a cold and a fever. I told him he should get to the doctor. You know, he may have

B & M together:
SARS*

B:
Yeah, SARS. You shouldn�t have a fever just from a cold. He has to have an infection of some sort.

Did you see that little skit on AI where Ruben was playing the pimped out guy in the suit?

M:
Uh�I don�t watch the sketches. I don�t watch their group songs; I don�t watch the idiotic banter. I was doing laundry. I don't really like this show, remember?

B:
Yeah, whatever. Well, I was just thinking that Joe would have been really good at that.**

M:
Yeah, that would have been fun.

B:
Joe has a cute little dimple, too.

M:
See, then he and Kimberly could have made dimpled babies.

~~~

I have the feeling that when I get old, it will be terrific fun to go back and read these things.

*In truth, we talk at the same time rather often. We finish each other�s sentences and stuff. This makes things rather difficult when I am attempting to transcribe our conversations.

**Arnett�s son Joe tried out for AI down here in LA. He�s a very good singer and in the same sort of pop music, please everybody style. He made it through a few rounds of the auditions and says they ended up not taking him because he works for a Congressman and they didn�t want any conflict of interest. I don�t know if that�s true, but I keep saying they didn�t take him cuz they already had a Ruben. Joe is very large, just like Ruben. He�s half-black, too. You get the picture. He looks a lot like Ruben.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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