Amy-P wrote what I think to be a heart-breaking entry today. I really feel for this gal and my heart always gets a little lump in it when I read her diary. As someone who is a survivor of sexual victimization, today�s entry really affected me so I decided to leave her a note in response to her entry�

Then I read what some other moron left her as a message.

�Off The Pill - 2003-06-11 16:27:18

�Sex ultimately is tied to the creation of life. Our sex drive is governed by the genetic programs of our ancestors past evolution. A man produces 1000 sperm per second. A woman ovulates 1 day a month. These facts go a long way to explain a lot about �Women's Rules� and the �Code of Men�. I already broke a part of the code for men...I revealed that I am married. If you can survive yourself, you may become married also one day. My dear friend, I sure hope you are able to find that someone that will be there for you to make this important goal a reality. If you do not, then this is just your twist of fate...�

Ergh�My blood has been boiling after reading that!

Here is what I wrote. I apologize if it�s a tad disjointed. It�s hard to see straight when you�re this angry�

Karen - 2003-06-11 17:57:16

OK, I was gonna write something nice in here directed toward you, Amy-P (and I still do want to reach out and hug you, sweetie), but after I read what this too-chicken-to-write-his-name moron wrote above, I am just pissed as all hell. "If you can survive yourself, you may become married also one day. My dear friend, I sure hope you are able to find that someone that will be there for you to make this important goal a reality. If you do not, then this is just your twist of fate..." What the FUCK is that supposed to mean? "Important goal" for whom? Like being married is and should be the ultimate goal for all women?????? Obviously, it is important to this guy, he is married (although from what he is saying it appears marriage may not be important enough to entice him to actually live up to those vows he made). "You MAY become married..." Oh gee, ya think? Do you think we'll all receive the incredible "gift" of being married to some asshole like you who apparently thinks so little of his wife and his commitment to her as to justify his fucking around by talking about hunters and gatherers and their impulse to procreate profusely?

"If you can survive yourself..." Fuck off! First of all, what a patronizing, insulting and cruel thing to say. Secondly, part of the problem we as women have and that has lead to the kinds of stuff you are writing about Amy-P is that we have been taught that our life has no meaning without marriage and children. We put up with those things we should never because we are perpetually in search of what society has told us we need - a husband. We are additionally continually taught that men's responses to our sexuality (or perceived sexuality) are our fault and responsibility. Because men apparently have no control; presumably because of the very thing this a-hole is talking about. "I just have all this sperm and it has nowhere to go and men were not genetically programmed to be monogamous and it hurts when I don't get laid...and blah-blah-blah." Plus, I got news for Mr. Thousand Sperm per Second: While I understand that we are all ruled by genetic codes which were set in stone long ago, there is plenty of life on this planet as it is. It is time for men to evolve along with every other creature on this earth and realize that just because he had to populate the planet with conceivably many different women thousands of years ago, this is not an excuse for being a sexual degenerate in 2003. Women and all other animals have found the backbone and the cajones to allow themselves to evolve oh these many eons. Why is it than so many men are content to live in the stone age?

I am seriously offended, but even more I am pissed because Amy appears to be a fragile young lady as it is. She doesn�t need to be fed this line of bullshit.

I am sensitive to this imbecile's note because of three issues:

1. It appears in part to be a veiled attempt at justifying the sexual victimization Amy wrote about today.

2. I am fed the fuck up with these people who are so concerned about unmarried women and who appear to think there is something unnatural about it.

3. If Amy-P needs anything she, like all of us, needs to find in herself that which is ultimately fulfilling and will make her happy. Encouraging her to expect it from a man/husband or any other human being is perpetuating the fallacy that happiness is found in our relationships, not within ourselves. Anyone who believes that will never find what they need.

No, I am not married. And ya know what? I have never wanted to get married. I also decided long ago that I did not want to have children.

There are a myriad of reasons for not wanting to have children and none of them are because I don�t like kids. I�m not going to get in to it now, but all of the reasons which led me to this decision also led me to decide I would much rather adopt. If I had money right now to support one, I would adopt a child tomorrow.

The husband thing is entirely different, but the end result is the same: I love men, but I have no desire to be someone�s wife. Again, there are a whole slew of reasons why I came to this decision. None of them matter because I�d be willing to lay bets that half of you reading this entry right now are most likely assuming I am simply not married because nobody has ever asked and/or there is something wrong with me.

I can hear the thoughts moving through your heads now: She must be a wacko�she must have issues...men don�t like her�she must be ugly�surely she hates men�

I�d be willing to bet that an awful lot of you do not truly believe that this was a decision I made for myself long ago. Why do I think this? Because I�ve heard it all my life.

�You�ll change your mind when you meet the right one�� How many times have I heard that? Like the only reason I don�t want to get married hinges on whether or not I have met Prince Charming.

Here�s a bit of news: I have met many very nifty men. I have been in love. I have been in prolonged relationships (albeit not many). I have even *gasp* been proposed to on more than one occasion and by more than one man. My not wanting to get married has nothing at all to do with the men in or not in my life.

It has to do with me and what I want for my life.

And the fact that sometimes, occasionally, women actually make decisions NOT based on a man or the prospect of a man or what a man wants or needs is evidently just incomprehensible to most people.

And yes, I know John and I were engaged to be married at one point. You know why? So that he could be on my medical insurance. If he�d had benefits at the time, the subject never would have come up.

I don�t even know how to end this entry, now and that makes me mad, too!

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