I just reviewed my personal e-mails (which I haven�t looked at in about a week) and discovered that I missed a Satellite Dogs gig this week at the Liquid Lounge. They�re playing again Monday night at a different place, but I don�t like that other place as much. I�ll probably go, though, so that Smithereens-Mike knows that we�re cool.

I think Smithereens-Mike has a thing for me. I�ve thought this before and then he called me a couple of weeks ago and asked me out � but he called late on a Thursday and wanted to go out that night. Men are so lame sometimes. Of course I couldn�t go at that late notice. I haven�t heard from him since and I think he probably thinks I�m not interested. Frankly, I don�t know if I am interested or not. I lost his phone number, though, and Lou didn�t have it on him when I asked. I would like to go out with him mainly as friends, but I�m not above exploring other avenues to see what may be there. I don�t know him well enough to say yay or nay on that subject. I get the feeling, though, that he is rather intimidated and won�t call me again, so I�d better go to the gig to let him know everything is cool and I�m not like trying to avoid him or anything.

I don�t really want to go see the band anymore. I like their music, but the weirdness with Mike S. is just so THICK now cuz of his bitch girlfriend who hates my guts. She never lets him out of her sight, so I know she�ll be at the gig just like last time. I always like to support local musicians, especially since I like these guys as people and as a band, but there�s really no reason for me to invite that kind of drama in to my life at this point in time. And when I see her it�s never just a simple case of �Well, I don�t like Karen so I�m just gonna stay at the other side of the bar and not deal much with her�, there�s always some weirdness that accompanies her and she always makes it a point to be rude to me.

Frankly, I think Mike is a huge pussy for letting her dictate his life to the extent that she does and I can�t even believe he lets her do it. It�s so unlike who he used to be with Laura. Not that his position with Laura (which was basically, �nobody will ever tell me what to do and nobody has any control over me� and taking that to the extreme as a lot of men are wont to do) was cool, but there has to be a happy medium. My hunch is that he feels guilty for how he treated Laura and so is over-compensating by letting his new girlfriend run the show. Plus, I think the guilt-factor comes in because he cheated on Laura with this gal and so now he feels like this is the hand he dealt himself and he�d better learn to deal. All of this is conjecture on my part, of course, but he just seems to me to be so unhappy.

Smithereens-Mike is a nice guy, though. I�m not sure I�d want to date him, but he is cool. And frankly, I think I like his music more than I like Mike�s. I�ve always liked his music, which is how this whole thing started. Last year I saw him at Mike�s birthday party (which is when I figured out how much his girlfriend hates me) and told him to let me know when/if he ever has a gig cuz I�d like to see him play. I saw him a few times when I was a Mocosito and remembered that I liked his stuff. I think he had a thing for me back in the Mocositos days, too (Barbara thought so, too), but I get the feeling he�s rather shy with women. That or I am just completely off the mark.

Of course, if I started dating Smithereens-Mike, or even if we became good friends for that matter, I would have to deal with Mike and the bitch more often, which would not be a good thing at all.

The whole situation is just so lame, cuz if Mike hadn�t fucked everything up we would still be writing some great songs together first of all, but we could also still be good friends. And what really pisses me off at this juncture is that I have been awfully forgiving of him and his many fuck-ups, ego dramas and plain old betrayal and what I get in return is a man who one day is talking about hanging out together more and possibly doing a reunion gig for fun and the next is not talking to me at all because his insecure, bitch of a girlfriend hates me. And even if she does hate me, so what? I�m sure she�s not the only one. But I have been seeing her only when going to see her boyfriend�s bands and I would think she could just be polite about the fact that I�m supporting the cause or whatever. She doesn�t have to be a raving bitch and intentionally rude as all hell.

And do I really need to spend my time worrying over this situation? I think not. And yet, should I choose to hang out with Smithereens-Mike, I will be thinking about it whether I like it or not.

Man�drink water and pee, drink water and pee, drink water and pee�such is the cycle of my days. Seems these are the only things I do anymore.

My heart�s kind of flippin�; I assume cuz of the Metabolife. It didn�t do this yesterday, but there�s no other reason for my heart to be doing this. Well, I did take an extra one this afternoon. After not sleeping enough last night, I figgered I may need the extra pill to keep up my energy tonight. Ah, stuff happens. Kind of makes me feel alive in a weird way.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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