Mind Vomit by the ikss ~ a journal
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Monday, Apr. 19, 2004the ikss be busy
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�Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead�
-Lucille Ball
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
--Theodore Roosevelt, 1918
REGISTER TO VOTE
"The time is always right to do what is right"
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The "seven social sins": Knowledge without character,
Science without humanity,
Wealth without work,
Commerce without morality,
Politics without principles,
Pleasure without conscience,
Worship without self-sacrifice."
--Gandhi
"We have not inherited the world from our forfathers -
We have borrowed it from our children."
--Kashmiri, proverb
Tonight: Leading Training Walk for the Breast Cancer 3 Day
Tuesday: Free (so far)...if I'm smart, I�ll be doing laundry
Wednesday: Rehearsing with the band-with-the-incredibly-stupid-name
Thursday: Going out to the Formosa Caf� with friends
Friday: Leading Training Walk for the Breast Cancer 3 Day, then going to see my friends The Ravelers� gig
Saturday: Kayaking in the a.m.; singing with the-band-with-the-incredibly-stupid-name at a party in the p.m.
Sunday: Sleep...blessed sleep...
I think John will be coming down this weekend, too. He�ll be going kayaking with me, if he does. Throw in a couple of Lakers playoff games on the telly and you have the makings of One Busy Week for the ikss.
Thank God I�m not doing work for the Dennis Kucinich campaign anymore. I am thinking of getting involved in some other political work, but I need to wait until my schedule calms down a little, I think. The good news is that after a few weeks I won�t really be rehearsing with the band unless we need to learn something new.
I was talking to Barbara about John this morning. He was down this weekend (we went for a really nice 6 mile walk yesterday morning. It was a GORGEOUS day!). We had a family get-together at Linda�s yesterday, to celebrate my parents� 54th wedding anniversary. John went with me and it was a very nice day, all around. He used to be extremely shy around my family, but lately he�s been downright chatty whenever he sees them. He acts almost�*gulp* normal! It makes such get-togethers much more fun and less stressful when I am not worried about him and whether or not he�s comfortable.
Barbara essentially thinks that John and I are still in love and thinks we should just admit to that and get back together. Of course, she is not correct, but I can see why she�d think that, especially after seeing us together yesterday. Anyway, here�s some of what I wrote to her this morning (God bless copy and paste):
�In follow up to our earlier conversation about John...You know, nothing has changed between us. We are the same now as we have been for months. I think you are just wondering about us because he seems so much more normal now than he used to! :) That�s also a large part of why it�s hard for me to give up on him totally. As I�ve said before � he continues to change and evolve and I am not one to give up on people when I see they are making progress, you know? He�s a much better person now than he was seven years ago, that�s for darn sure. And we obviously get along a lot better these days�but a lot of that, too, is that we just don�t expend energy arguing very often. When you only see someone four days out of the month, it�s a lot easier to just ignore things that get under your skin. Believe me, though, that doesn�t mean he doesn�t bug me! :)
�I know I talked about how he made his choice to live up North, without me, and how selfish that sounds and so I need for live for myself and all of that�but in truth, I often end up feeling like I am the selfish one. I really have the best of both worlds right now. I can see who I want to see and have fun by myself and with my friends, and yet I still have the comfort of having John around. And you know, I may not get enough of it, but I still get to have sex on a regular basis. It�s all good for me. :)
�Had he actually gotten a job down here and wanted to move back down here, I honestly don�t know what my response would have been. Financially, it would have made sense, but the real truth is I don�t know how eager I would have been to give up my freedom. Plus, if he�d had to move down here he wouldn�t have been happy � he�s happier living where he is and that makes a huge difference in our relationship, too (of course).
�It�s a strange relationship, I know. In essence, I think we�re really just very good friends�with benefits. But I think you may have hit the nail on the head when you said he�s really getting all he needs from the way we have it now. Although he knows I date others, I don�t know if he really believes I may fall in love with someone else. It will be interesting to see what happens when/if I do. I mean, I HOPE that will happen some day. I really hope he and I can still be friends, and I actually don�t think he will let me know even if it does upset him. We�ll see, I guess. The only thing I can do is be honest with him and make sure we�re on the same page as far as what we expect from each other.�
Speaking of john, he has had all of his medical tests and now has his follow-up appointment this afternoon. Hopefully, they�ll have some answers for him and I�m sure they�ll put him on some medication for his blood pressure as well as possibly something for his heart and cholesterol. I am relieved because I have been extremely worried about him. Even yesterday, after we left Linda�s his heart was beating really hard and fast. We had lasagna for lunch and other fattening food items, so I assume his body was just reacting to all of the fatty food. But still�it worried me a lot. He�s had chest pains and panic attacks in the past�plus, when he did his treadmill test last week, his blood pressure soared amazingly. I�m surprised he didn�t stroke out on the machine, frankly. It�s very scary. In the past year or so, John has already made a number of adjustments to his diet and he certainly exercises a lot more than he used to so he�s doing what he can. I just want them to put him on some drugs to get that blood pressure down! I�m sure that will make him feel a lot better, just in general. With all of Arnett�s health problems, which mainly stem from his high blood pressure�well, it just gives me more cause to worry than I even normally would.
I think John is having a hard time dealing with it all, too. He�s a big, strong guy (6�4�, about 225 lbs.) who is used to being Superman. Now he�s having to learn that he�s getting old. For several months, he�s been worried about his sexual performance (needless worries I assure you. Yes, things have changed, but I have no complaints. In fact, I think the sex we have now is better than it was when we lived together); now he�s been told he has to give up cheese, among other things. I mean - cheese. This is a major dilemma for him.
Anyway, I�ll find out tonight what the doctor says and we�ll go from there.
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