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-----Original Message-----
From: Karen
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 12:52 PM
To: Lou (E-mail)
Subject: misc baloney
I wanted to write this out because I may make more sense in writing and because I wanted to give you a clue as to why I was upset this morning when you called.
I know this is all stressful on you, too. I don�t want to add to that stress AT ALL. So I want to be clear. Please read this whole letter, even though it�s long. :)
Basically � all I need from you is to be straight with me. I can handle honesty. What I can�t handle is when I feel like I�m being jerked around. Up until this morning, when you finally told me not to book any gigs, I felt like I was being jerked around a bit. It just seems like every time we discuss band shenanigans I hear something different. You know � don�t worry about my feelings or whatever � just be straight with me. What I do with the information you give me is then up to me. I never planned on singing with the band in the first place, so if it doesn�t work out, it just doesn�t work out. I�ll just do this one gig with you next month and that will be it.
If, in future, you are waiting to hear what others think or are capable of doing, just tell me that before we make plans. I get the feeling we (or at least I) got all gung-ho to do this with me singing and booking a bunch of gigs, then you talked it over with Robert or thought about it and now we have to slam on the brakes. I don�t really know, of course � I�m just assuming. But instead of my hearing the truth, I just kept getting different versions of our plans over the past few weeks and not getting the CDs and the song list I know you would have mailed to me if you�d really wanted me to book the gigs. Get me? I knew something was off, but didn�t know what it was. So last week I just decided I wasn�t gonna ask you for the CDs and revised song list anymore and I wasn�t gonna push you � if you want to give them to me, I�m sure you will.
I first started talking about booking gigs for you guys because I like the band and I want to support your efforts. It�s really not a big deal and frankly, if you�re going to be making extra money by playing in cover bands I would personally prefer you do it in (the-band-with-the-incredibly-stupid-name), where you get to play lead and seem to have more fun. I may not be at every gig, but it�s also more fun for me to go see (the-band-with-the-incredibly-stupid-name) than the Goodfellas. I don�t care about getting a cut of your pay at all...unless, of course, I end up booking you at the Palace or some place where you�re making a whole bunch of money, in which case we�ll talk. :)
On top of the band-related confusion and its resulting stress, I am very wary of the Sondra-factor. She is my sister and I love her and will always be here for her in any way I can, but we both know who she is. She gets angry and irrational over nothing. Last week was a perfect example. I called and left her a message, just to say hi. As an afterthought, I told her to let me know if she needed me to pick her up on my way to Linda�s Sunday because I understood you may be having rehearsal (I had talked to Jamie the previous day).
As you probably know, she called me back later, just very angry. Over what? Because there was a miscommunication over a rehearsal? I don�t know what her problem really was, but frankly I don�t even care. I hate to say this stuff about your wife and my sister, but I just do not have the emotional energy to deal with that irrationality. I�ve dealt with it my entire life and I decided about ten years ago that I am just not going to do it anymore. I want to be a good sister to her, but not at the expense of my own mental health. I have my own shit to deal with, ya know? So I told her if she wants to be angry to go ahead and be angry, but I hung up on her. I think she�s still mad at me over that, too.
So I decided I would not talk to her about the band stuff at all; in any way, shape or form. Hopefully, that will solve the problem.
As far as Mike and Jennifer go...you know, I love Mike. I love singing with Mike. I feel lousy that we can�t do stuff together anymore. I miss my songwriting partner and I miss my Laker-buddy. He and I talked a few years ago about doing some music stuff together again. However, right after we discussed it was when my problems with his girlfriend began and that was the end of that.
Now, I don�t have a problem with Jennifer. I don�t like her, but who cares? I don�t have to like her. She doesn�t have to like me, either...however, it�s not just that she doesn�t like me. She is extremely rude to me and goes out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable. I think you�ve probably seen at least an example of what I�m talking about. At the very least, I expect there will be massive amounts of negative vibes floating around the bar, because there is any time I see her. And that�s just when I go to see Mike�s band play � can you imagine how she�s gonna feel about my getting up on stage with him? I�m sure she won�t say anything directly to me. I just anticipate a lot of negativity.
When this all came up at first, I figured I would sing with Mike and (the-band-with-the-incredibly-stupid-name) at the end of the month because yes � I would like to get my feet wet, get a feel for the sound system at the bar, etc. However, that was when I thought I was gonna be singing with you guys often. Now it�s kind of like � do I really want to put myself through that so I can prepare to sing with you guys for one night in May?
I will go to rehearsal with you on Sunday � I�ll give you a call on Saturday afternoon or something, so we can make arrangements. I also assume I will sing a set with you at the end of the month because I know me � I like to sing and more than likely that will be more important to me than any negative feelings someone else (Jennifer) has about the matter. But I wanted you to know where I was coming from, so I don�t seem as irrational as I assume I sounded this morning. As far as the future of (the-band-with-the-incredibly-stupid-name) goes and whether or not you want me to sing with you at all after May 15 � just let me know what happens after you talk it over with Tony and Robert and I�ll make my decision then. Until that happens, I am just assuming this will be a one-night thing. With that in mind, I�ll sing whatever you want me to sing, since you know that target audience.
I am willing to help you book gigs, regardless, just as I was before the prospect of my singing with you came up at all. I know a few people who I�m sure will let you play at their bars and plus I am just a friendly person in general, when I want to be. I can turn on the charm, you know. :) I think I can work some magic for you guys.
That said, I will not show the patience you have shown in dealing with all of their bullshit, so keep that in mind. Either they want to play and make some money or they don�t. While I understand that we all have lives and kids and schedules to keep and all of that must be considered, I am done putting myself through stress because of stupid musicians and their flakey, ego-driven, made-up drama. That, in a nutshell, is why I�m not in a band already anyway. I�m sure you know what I mean.
Give me a call if any of my ramblings here are not clear, or if you want to discuss anything. Otherwise, I�ll talk to you Saturday.
Hope you�re feeling better.
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