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From: Louis
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2004 11:27 AM
To: Karen
Subject: Letter
Dear Ms. Karen,
First and foremost, I want to apologize if I in any way mislead you or didn�t make my self perfectly clear about our intentions. If I hurt you or disrespected you, I am very sorry. That was never my intent. I think you know that I would never do or say anything to intentionally hurt you. I believe that I was always upfront and straight forward with you concerning the line up and gig dates with �Tightrope�. I also consulted with others involved about you possibly joining us at some point and they all agreed that it was a good idea. I relayed this all too you before we even started discussing song possibilities for you to perform with us. There was never two �versions� of this idea. You know about the predicament Tony put us in with his revelation about not being able to play with us at �The Blarney Stone� at the end of April and any other dates in May as well. He has never really given us a valid reason for this that made any sense to us. He is being very vague and has not yet revealed his true intentions about the future of �Tightrope�. We felt like we were being held hostage by this. My first reaction was to just quit. I don�t need all the added stress, drama and ego! After I calmed down and thought about this rationally, I decided to honor our commitments and move forward with or without him. That�s were you came in. We had already asked Mike if he could help us out and, as you surely know, it takes him days, sometimes even weeks before he finally returns any calls or gives you an answer. In the mean time, you had proposed booking some gigs for us. I thought that was a very generous and kind gesture on your part, which I am still very appreciative and grateful for. It also gave Sondra and me the idea that you should defiantly share in the spoils in some way. That being said, I asked if you would possibly fill in with us in May if Mike didn�t work out. Yes, Mike was our first choice, but it�s not because I think that he is a better singer or musician than you. It�s simply that he already knows most of the material. You have to keep in mind that we don�t have the luxury of time. I am diligently working on getting together a song list that will suit both you and �Tightrope� I have the task of compiling not only a CD of suitable songs, but acquire the appropriate lyrics as well, not mention the time and effort on my part to learn and arrange the numbers in the proper keys and time signatures so that it will work for both our sakes. It is going to take some time to remedy all this and time is not something that I have a great abundance of. That was the sole reason for asking you to hold off on booking any dates.
Second and more important, I don�t understand what Sondra had anything to do with this matter. Any issues you have with her should be left out of this situation entirely. Other than her support and original idea (you singing with us) she has nothing to do with any miscommunication or misunderstanding concerning band relations or business.
Third, stop listening to Jamie! Or anybody else for that matter. After I speak to you and give you the full details, I naturally call the others to update them as well. I don�t like having to be the coordinator, but unfortunately I really had no choice.
Fourth, your circumstances with Mike and Jennifer are regrettable. There is nothing anyone can do about that except Mike. I wouldn�t hold my breath he will do anything soon or ever to rectify that.
Fifth, I am quite saddened after your phone call this morning. I don�t believe I did anything wrong in showing your e-mail to Sondra. If you really don�t wish to be friends anymore, then there is nothing I can do to change that. I still love you and you�re still my sister-in-law. I have no ill feelings toward you. I wish the only the very best for you. That will never change.
Last, I am quite perplexed and totally confused on this whole episode. I honestly believed I was doing you a favor and vise versa and to be perfectly frank Ms. Karen, you�re the one who turn this into a totally stressful and uncomfortable nightmare. Now we both have to deal with this mess and decide if there is some way to correct this debacle. As far as I am concerned this was nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. I relayed this entire message to Robert and we both agreed that it�s best that we find someone else to help us out in May. On behalf of Robert, Jamie and my self, we are very sorry it turned out this way. We strongly believed it could have been very good vehicle and were looking forward to your interpretations on our song list. Thank you for your support. As I said before I wish you well in all areas of your life.
Lou
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2004 11:27 AM
To: Louis
Subject: Letter
I already said that I am not going to sing with the band, Lou, so your talking it over with Robert and making that �decision� was pretty redundant. And yes, it would have been a simple misunderstanding, had you not chosen to show my email to Sondra. I believe my email yesterday, over-all, was saying just that. I know some of your frustrations with Tony, yes, and I apologize for adding to that stress by misunderstanding what was going on. I admitted freely in my letter that I probably jumped the gun in assuming stuff about the band. The band stuff is not a big deal and I�m not hurt or mad about that stuff. I hardly think the misunderstanding is entirely my fault, as you seem to be inferring, but I guess it doesn�t even matter anymore anyway. However, even below when you say lack of time is the sole reason for your asking me not to book any gigs right now � that�s not what you told me yesterday at all. You said that you and Robert were going to meet again with Tony and you wanted to see what happened with that discussion before I moved forward. What�s that got to do with having time to make CDs? This is a perfect example of just little differences in stories that I get when we talk about this stuff; and yet it�s MY FAULT that we had these misunderstandings?
As far as Sondra goes, as I said this morning - I brought her up in yesterday�s letter because I was trying to be clear about ALL of my concerns. I was trying to communicate with you and I do so better in writing than I do verbally sometimes.
You said that Sondra has no problem with my singing with you and that�s great. My additional concerns arose because of her getting all pissed off about the nonexistent rehearsal possibly taking place on the same day as the party at Linda�s. That happened, it was needless and it involved the band and it involved me. I never said she was mad AT ME, at the time, but she called me on the phone, obviously pissed and I was simply saying I won�t be dragged in to that sort of stuff. And since she hasn�t been the same with me since that conversation, I assumed my hanging up on her the way I did pissed her off. But the bottom line is that to infer she would have no influence over what goes on in the band is bullshit. That�s why she was on my list of concerns
Here is why I am so very pissed, Lou: As far as my leaving Sondra out of my relationship with you � you are one to talk! I can think of many times you have said stuff to me about her! Just complaining, no big deal � we all do it. The last time I can think of it happening was when we went to lunch after your job interview here. She called you and when you hung up, you were irritated and you said something about how she gets mad over nothing. Hmm�sound familiar? That�s exactly what I said yesterday! Did I go running off to TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID????????????? Of course not! Because you don�t do that! It would have not only betrayed your trust, it would have hurt her feelings tremendously. You know � KIND OF LIKE WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY.
I said I don�t think we can be friends anymore because I feel betrayed by what you did and I am suspect of just why you did it. I think I have held confidences for you, not told Sondra things that have happened or that you have said, out of friendship for you and because your relationship with her is none if my business. I have tried to be not only a good friend to you, but a good sister to her and aunt to Jeremy. I have never before told you things I didn�t want her to know because that would be inappropriate. The one time I really needed you to keep my confidence, you showed her that email. And frankly, I just can not even fathom why. I know about a lot of the things that have happened between the two of you in the past few months. I know this is a rough time for you guys and I have not taken sides because I can see things from both perspectives. I have only hoped you can work everything out. But knowing what I know makes me wonder if you did not intend to hurt Sondra by showing her what I wrote. Maybe not on a conscious level, but I still wonder about it.
I don�t know what you thought you were going to accomplish by showing that email to Sondra and when I asked you, you had no answer. You had to know it would hurt her feelings. You also had to know it would piss her off. And what good was going to come out of it? *I know what I said in my email was harsh. A) That doesn�t mean it wasn�t true. B) You have said that very thing to me about Sondra on more than one occasion C) I basically told her she was being irrational when I talked to her on the phone about the rehearsal mix-up. I didn�t use that word, but that�s what I was saying. So what I said in the email wasn�t even anything new. D) She wasn�t supposed to be the one reading it.
In the last three weeks, I have been told by Sondra that I am a flake (when we were at the last Goodfellas gig) and that I am demanding because I asked you guys for copies of pictures from my Christmas party (while we were at Linda�s). These things may well be true. I am not a perfect person and I have flaws. Did I like hearing about them from Sondra while she was being snippy with me? Of course not. But did I throw a huge hissy fit and call her a bitch, as she did to me yesterday? Also - No. While nobody likes hearing about their flaws, I recognize that I have them. I also recognize that my having them doesn�t mean she doesn�t love me. I said the same thing in yesterday�s email � I love Sondra, regardless. That�s what really loving someone is about. However, while it is apparently OK for Sondra to tell me all about my flaws to my face, it�s not OK for her to hear or read them about herself.
You not only hurt Sondra�s feelings needlessly by showing her my letter, you totally screwed me in the process. I know Sondra and I know this will not just blow over. What I said may well be true, but that doesn�t mean she is going to like reading it in an email I sent to you. It was extremely hurtful for you to do that, on many levels. If you can�t see why what you did was wrong, there is something wrong with you.
I don�t listen to Jamie. I haven�t even talked to him for like two weeks and frankly I doubt I ever will again now that I won�t be singing with you. Once again � all that happened was he asked me if I was going to your band rehearsal on the day of Linda�s party. Even if you were going to that rehearsal, which of course you were not, I didn�t know it would have been such a huge deal to Sondra. All that happened was I asked Sondra if she needed me to pick her up on my way to Linda�s. Period.
I only brought up the Mike-Jennifer stuff because I wanted you to understand why I wasn�t all gung-ho about singing one set with you and Mike at the end of the month.
As far as everything goes, Lou, I would strongly suggest that you take a good long look at yourself rather then trying to lay the blame for all of this at my feet. First of all, you are not the communicator that you appear to think yourself to be and you are just as much to blame for the band misunderstandings as I am. I am not delusional and did not imagine the things that you said (and failed to say) to me over the past few weeks, and I really resent your saying that I am responsible for turning this into a �stressful and uncomfortable nightmare�. More importantly, I am not at fault in this matter with Sondra. While what I wrote was indelicate, it was the truth and it was even truth I had only recently said to Sondra herself. YOU are the one who chose to hurt her by showing her an email which was not meant for her eyes.
Regards,
Karen
*sorry for the repeat from my previous entry, but you know�the verbiage worked.
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