Anyway, we had this big meeting about programs set up for 10:00 this morning. She had to be here for it. The LBM had a conference room full of like 15 people (including me) and she is not here yet. It�s now 10:15.

I was put in the mind of the cartoons where a character eats something hot and smoke starts blowing out of their ears and their face turns red and train whistles sound while the top of their head blows off.

He is so much like me in a lot of ways. That is totally something that would happen to me - you're nice about stuff and lenient and "so long as they get their work done, it's all good" and people totally take advantage. And then you get PISSED.

~~~

So many social activities on the horizon and I can�t commit to any of them just yet.

I am doing an extra training walk tonight, but that hardly counts.

I just found out that the Satellite Dogs are playing Thursday night at the Liquid Lounge. Now, I said a few months back that I wasn�t going to see them anymore, and most likely I won�t. However�I have been itching to go out, in a major way. It seems like forever since I�ve just gone out to a bar and knocked back a few. Hell, I haven�t even had an alcoholic beverage in�I don�t know how long. Weeks, anyway. I was just thinking last night, in fact, about how I�ve lost the fun in my life. I want the fun back! I�ve always had so much fun in my life, done so many fun things. Where us that fun lately?

I want the fun!!!

So anyway, in the Quest for Fun, I may go to the Liquid Lounge tomorrow�but probably not, because the truth is I will probably just end up with my feelings hurt and bummed because I can�t talk to Original Mike because his stupid bitch�oops, I mean girlfriend will be there. It really bothers me that we used to be so very close and now we can barely speak to one another. It bothers me every time I see him. And it doesn�t seem to matter to him and I�m also fairly certain that nobody notices whether I�m at their gigs or not.

So what�s the point, really?

Besides, I have a training walk tomorrow night. I probably won�t feel up to it after that. Once I get home and showered and all comfortable at home, it�s very hard for me to get up the gumption to put makeup on, do my hair and hit the town.

Good God, I�m old.

Saturday morning I have another training walk, of course. This is our last one at twelve miles � next week, it will be fifteen. I was also just invited to a get-together at Panama Joes that night. Here�s my problem: I have no idea, yet, if John is coming down. If he�s coming, he will NOT want to go hang out at Panama Joe�s for the night. He may go for dinner, but even then I�m sure he�d prefer it if it were just the two of us (John is very shy). And he most definitely won�t want to hang out at the bar for the rest of the night, or even a portion thereof.

Now yes, I could go without him. However, I am already going on a hike with the Sierra Club on Sunday afternoon and he is not included in that excursion (it�s a singles group�but also, he won�t have the time to go before he has to leave). We�re hiking to the Hollywood Sign, by the way � a hike that, despite having lived in one suburb of Los Angeles or another for over thirty years, I have never been on.

What to do�?

Hopefully, John will know by tonight whether or not he�s coming. I�m sure he will � because I have an alternate social-activity option. He only doesn�t come down when I have nothing to do and little money.

Have I mentioned that I am finally getting blinds in my bedroom this week (hopefully today)? When I got home from work Monday, Darla was showing my old apartment to prospective new tenants (*sob*). The bathroom of the old Rad Pad has a fire escape out its window. Well, my front door is on the opposite side of a little courtyard from that fire escape. So she had the window open and yelled down to me that they had ordered new blinds for me and they were in.

I have mentioned here before that Barbara, Linda, Carla, Amy and I are going to have a Gals� Day at the Spa next month. Well, lately I have been feeling terribly guilty for not inviting Sondra. Barbara feels bad about it, too. So I�m mulling it over. As I said to Barbara this morning: �I'll think about it some more. I have time before we go to Mom's [on Aug. 15].

I'm sure she'd be fine, if she ended up going (which I'm sure she wouldn't anyway, because of the cost and who knows if she�ll have to work?), but you just never know. If she has a couple of drinks, especially (and you know she will, if she can). And I swore I wouldn't do stuff just for her - that I'd protect my feelings first from now on.

So we'll see...�

Oh and I decided I am joining a gym. This isn�t really part of the Quest for Fun, but it may aid said Quest in an off-handed way. See, I again am not feeling very comfortable in my skin.

Ooh�shocker.

~~~

Word of the Day for Wednesday August 4, 2004

conflate kuhn-FLAYT, transitive verb:

1. To bring together; to fuse together; to join or meld.

2. To combine (as two readings of a text) into one whole.

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