'We have to protect people'

President Bush wants 'pro-homosexual' drama banned. Gary Taylor meets the politician in charge of making it happen

Thursday December 9, 2004
The Guardian

What should we do with US classics like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof or The Color Purple? "Dig a hole," Gerald Allen recommends, "and dump them in it." Don't laugh. Gerald Allen's book-burying opinions are not a joke. Earlier this week, Allen got a call from Washington. He will be meeting with President Bush on Monday. I asked him if this was his first invitation to the White House. "Oh no," he laughs. "It's my fifth meeting with Mr Bush."

Bush is interested in Allen's opinions because Allen is an elected Republican representative in the Alabama state legislature. He is Bush's base. Last week, Bush's base introduced a bill that would ban the use of state funds to purchase any books or other materials that "promote homosexuality". Allen does not want taxpayers' money to support "positive depictions of homosexuality as an alternative lifestyle". That's why Tennessee Williams and Alice Walker have got to go.

I ask Allen what prompted this bill. Was one of his children exposed to something in school that he considered inappropriate? Did he see some flamingly gay book displayed prominently at the public library?

No, nothing like that. "It was election day," he explains. Last month, "14 states passed referendums defining marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman". Exit polls asked people what they considered the most important issue, and "moral values in this country" were "the top of the list".

"Traditional family values are under attack," Allen informs me. They've been under attack "for the last 40 years". The enemy, this time, is not al-Qaida. The axis of evil is "Hollywood, the music industry". We have an obligation to "save society from moral destruction". We have to prevent liberal libarians and trendy teachers from "re-engineering society's fabric in the minds of our children". We have to "protect Alabamians".

I ask him, again, for specific examples. Although heterosexuals are apparently an endangered species in Alabama, and although Allen is a local politician who lives a couple miles from my house, he can't produce any local examples. "Go on the internet," he recommends. "Some time when you've got a week to spare," he jokes, "just go on the internet. You'll see." Actually, I go on the internet every day. But I'm obviously searching for different things. For Allen, the web is just the largest repository in history of urban myths. The internet is even better than the Bible when it comes to spreading unverifiable, unrefutable stories. And urban myths are political realities. Remember, it was an urban myth (an invented court case about a sex education teacher gang-raped by her own students who, when she protested, laughed and said: "But we're just doing what you taught us!") that all but killed sex education in America.

Since Allen couldn't give me a single example of the homosexual equivalent of 9/11, I gave him some. This autumn the University of Alabama theatre department put on an energetic revival of A Chorus Line, which includes, besides "tits and ass", a prominent gay solo number. Would Allen's bill prevent university students from performing A Chorus Line? It isn't that he's against the theatre, Allen explains. "But why can't you do something else?" (They have done other things, of course. But I didn't think it would be a good idea to mention their sold-out productions of Angels in America and The Rocky Horror Show.)

Cutting off funds to theatre departments that put on A Chorus Line or Cat on a Hot Tin Roof may look like censorship, and smell like censorship, but "it's not censorship", Allen hastens to explain. "For instance, there's a reason for stop lights. You're driving a vehicle, you see that stop light, and I hope you stop." Who can argue with something as reasonable as stop lights? Of course, if you're gay, this particular traffic light never changes to green.

It would not be the first time Cat on a Hot Tin Roof ran into censorship. As Nicholas de Jongh documents in his amusingly appalling history of government regulation of the British theatre, the British establishment was no more enthusiastic, half a century ago, than Alabama's Allen. "Once again Mr Williams vomits up the recurring theme of his not too subconscious," the Lord Chamberlain's Chief Examiner wrote in 1955. In the end, it was first performed in London at the New Watergate Club, for "members only", thereby slipping through a loophole in the censorship laws.

But more than one gay playwright is at a stake here. Allen claims he is acting to "encourage and protect our culture". Does "our culture" include Shakespeare? I ask Allen if he would insist that copies of Shakespeare's sonnets be removed from all public libraries. I point out to him that Romeo and Juliet was originally performed by an all-male cast, and that in Shakespeare's lifetime actors and audiences at the public theatres were all accused of being "sodomites". When Romeo wished he "was a glove upon that hand", the cheek that he fantasised about kissing was a male cheek. Next March the Alabama Shakespeare festival will be performing a new production of As You Like It, and its famous scene of a man wooing another man. The Alabama Shakespeare Festival is also the State Theatre of Alabama. Would Allen's bill cut off state funding for Shakespeare? "Well," he begins, after a pause, "the current draft of the bill does not address how that is going to be handled. I expect details like that to be worked out at the committee stage. Literature like Shakespeare and Hammet [sic] could be left alone." Could be. Not "would be". In any case, he says, "you could tone it down". That way, if you're not paying real close attention, even a college graduate like Allen himself "could easily miss" what was going on, the "subtle" innuendoes and all.

So he regards his gay book ban as a work in progress. His legislation is "a single spoke in the wheel, it doesn't resolve all the issues". This is just the beginning. "To turn a big ship around it takes a lot of time." But make no mistake, the ship is turning. You can see that on the face of Cornelius Carter, a professor of dance at Alabama and a prize-winning choreographer who, not long ago, was named university teacher of the year for the entire US. Carter is black. He is also gay, and tired of fighting these battles. "I don't know," he says, "if I belong here any more." Forty years ago, the American defenders of "our culture" and "traditional values" were opposing racial integration. Now, no politician would dare attack Cornelius Carter for being black. But it's perfectly acceptable to discriminate against people for what they do in bed.

"Dig a hole," Gerald Allen recommends, "and dump them in it." Of course, Allen was talking about books. He was just talking about books. He never said anything about pink triangles.

~~~

Holy Canoli, have I been busy!

The good news is, I may get a new laptop at home. This would make the journal-updating a much easier process. And one much less likely to get me fired, I might add. Especially now that we are moving offices and cubicles around and my office is going to be directly adjacent to the Little Big Man�s. Which means he will be dropping by, unannounced, far more often. In fact, I am being moved just so that he can have easier access to me.

Imagine my joy.

The move actually makes a lot of sense, now that my job duties have been altered so drastically. What I am not looking forward to, though, is the increased foot-traffic I will be dealing with due to the overflow from his office and the increased volume on that side of the floor.

Anyway�I found out over the weekend that Dave Alvin and Peter Case are playing in Long Beach. Fabulous news, right? Well yeah, except that I won�t be in town! They�re playing Friday night and I have to go up to John�s this weekend, so I can go to his stupid company Christmas dinner.

I am very bummed.

The show only costs $10, to boot! ARGH!

That damned John had better appreciate my sacrifice, is all I can say. I�d say super-duper sexual favors are in order�

*ahem*

Now, as promised, let�s discuss�

1. Laguna Beach: I�m a little retarded in posting about this, because the show is now over. But hey - as if I hadn�t told you before - I�ve been busy, dammit!

I loved this little �reality� show on Mtv (I never watch Mtv for actual music-related shows or videos. Does anyone?). Maybe it�s because I love Laguna Beach. Maybe it�s because these kids were a kick. I dunno, but I loved it and am sad it�s gone. Although, it is coming back for a second season, but the second season is going to focus more on that whiny/tinny-voiced Kristen, who bothers me to no end�

When I was growing up, whenever we would go to the beach we would go to Laguna. It was smaller than, say, Huntington Beach; and it was far less crowded. It was farther away from my house and not as easy to get to, since you have to walk down a steep hill/cliff to get to the actual beach, but it is just gorgeous down there. And they have tide pools.

2. That Runway show on Bravo: It�s actually called Project Runway and I watched it for the first time last week. It may well become my new obsession. Stay tuned.

I really liked Kara�s military-inspired green number last week. I also liked Jay�s pants outfit. Austin won the competition, which�meh. I thought his design was nice, but it didn�t grab my attention or anything. However, Starr�s hideous green gown with the �tumor� on it? This certainly should have lost her the gig. Hoo, boy. I coulda done better and I have no fashion sense whatsoever.

Actually, that�s not really true. I have fashion sense. It�s just that it only makes sense to me and maybe three other people on the planet. And ya know what? I wouldn�t have it any other way.

3. The sad state of my wallet: As is my usual, I am spending far too much money on Christmas. Oh yeah, and on that facial I got at Glen Ivy last week. But what a fabulous facial it was! Their Day Spa in Brea is wonderful! And in my opinion, you get what you pay for. Seriously, it was totally worth the $25 more it cost than that last one I got on Belmont Shore. First of all, you can hang out in their hot tub before or after your treatment, for as long as you want. Secondly, my facial was much more extensive at Glen Ivy. And oh, the pampering you get there!

However, I am going to be poor now until...oh, probably mid-January. No joke.

Speaking of Christmas shopping, allow me to tell you all about the lame-ass web page they have over at BMW Motorcycles. I bought this motorcycle cover for John, as part of his Christmas gift. I ordered it yesterday, since that was the first time I could really afford to buy it (see money spent on facial and new clothes for my Christmas party, rather than other people's Christmas gifts). So I go through the whole order process, only then to find out that it will take 7-10 days to get to me! Their shipping is via Fed Ex, so I figured it wouldn�t take long. Had I known it was going to take 7-10 days, I would have had it shipped FedEx over night. But see, they don�t tell you these things until after your order is processed! Another thing they don�t tell you until after your order is processed? That they require a signature release to deliver it. Had I known, I would have had it shipped to my work address.

So the lesson here is, if you need to buy something related to BMW Motorcycles, get off your ass and find a dealership in your area.

4. Possible new leader of the DNC (anyone will be better than stinkin� Terry McAuliffe�and now that I�ve said that, maybe I need say no more. Except to say that I�m not sure I want Howard Dean to be the new head. I mean, I think it would be great on one hand, because he is closer to what I think the Democratic Party should be and once was, but on the other I want him to run for president again in 2008):

Uh�I was right. I need say no more about this issue.

5. D and her �I am going to die alone� attitude, which is driving me a tad batty: Well�this is getting better. Or at least, I think I have tapped a well-spring of patience in dealing with it.

Since D and her quasi-boyfriend in South Carolina decided not to pursue that relationship, she has been very depressed. And she actually says, pretty much every time I see her, �I am going to die alone.� I finally spelled it out to her over the weekend when I said (and you�ll notice I speak in outlines even in my every day life): �A) I highly doubt that will happen and B) Even if that turns out to be the case, so what? Are you going to allow yourself to be miserable for the rest of your life because you don�t have a man around?�

It�s not so bad when it�s just she and I, talking about stuff. What bothers me is she is like this all the time. I wonder if Jenn gets sick of it too, because when we�re on our walks she just talks constantly about her depression, how there is something wrong with her and how she is going to �die alone�. Jenn is a lot nicer than I, though, so she probably isn�t even bothered by it.

Last Friday, we went for a walk around Naples to see the holiday lights. We were with an Outdoors Club group of probably sixty people. She was SUCH a sour-puss all night long and it really pissed me off. I mean, I understand you�re depressed. But f you can�t go out to a social event like that and fake it, then just stay home. Seriously. She even had the gall to get miffed with me because I spent like fifteen minutes walking and talking with someone else who I knew from a previous ODC event. When I finally came back and walked alongside her, she said, �Oh, did you remember who you came with?� It�s not like I left her alone, either � Jenn was also with us.

On Saturday, she went with me to my company Christmas party. As we were stuck in hellacious traffic, we had ample time to talk on the way there. I re-found my patience then, and I hope I can hold on to it for a while. Lord knows I have obsessed about stuff a time or two *cough* so I really need to be patient with her. Plus, we have a LOT of stuff in common (we discovered even more things during this drive), so talking to me really seems to help her.

But I really hope she gets in to therapy, as she is talking about doing.

6. The fact that I need more patience when dealing with D and her �I am going to die alone� attitude which is driving me a tad batty: Uh�covered above, I�d say.

7. TAPS and their t.v. show: This is another show I�ve recently discovered, on the Sci Fi channel. I think it�s on tonight, so look for it. Basically, it�s just a �reality� show about a team of ghost hunters. I�m in heaven, right? Combine my obsession with reality t.v. with my obsession with ghosts and you have orgasm on the telly! Plus, these guys are fairly comical, without trying to be�

8. My new outfits: Both are beautiful and of course I am keeping them both. I ended up wearing the pants and velvet jacket outfit to the party. I tried both on for John and he picked that one (which surprised me. I thought he�d pick the red dress).

And that leads me to my company holiday party, which took place last weekend at the House of Blues. I had fun. Tom Jones still sounds great and luckily doesn�t seem to take any of that sex-symbol-gyrating stuff seriously. I was still laughing hysterically for much of the show, however.

Dinner was OK � about what I expected, frankly. I have never been all that impressed with the food at the House of Blues anyway and buffets are always difficult. But it was decent. We had an open bar and D was my designated driver, so I just ended up drinking most of my calories for the night, anyway.

D seemed to have a pretty good time, but frankly I would have had a much better time with someone else. I should have just gone on my own. Well, except that she was very happy I invited her. On top of her depression, though, she was in the midst of a massive allergy attack, which is never fun.

At one point, I was telling BN how lovely she looked (which she did. The after-effects of her tummy tuck look great) and she said something like, �You look lovely, too; although you�re dressed a bit more conservatively than I anticipated.� So I told her and the Little Big Man about how John helped me pick out my outfit and they laughed. Then I told them what also happened: �Then, I had the jacket unbuttoned and I buttoned it all up and asked him which way it looked better and he liked it all buttoned up.� They laughed hysterically. And you know, it never occurred to me until right that second that maybe John wanted me to wear that particular outfit because it didn�t show any cleavage or anything. I mean, I was covered from head to toe.

It really did look better all buttoned up, though. And I don�t need to dress in a way as to expose as much flesh as possible anymore. There was a time when I dressed like that�but that time was about fifteen years ago. At least ten. It�s funny how I�ve changed. When I think about the clothes I used to wear�I remember one time I was out at a club with Barbara and I was wearing this thing that basically showed all of my boobs and she said �Your boobs are sitting up and the bar like appetizers � like cheese puffs!�

Plus, I am just not feeling very good about my body anyway, these days. So there's that.

On Monday, I called my parents to thank then for being such great parents. I felt the need to do this because John reminded me on Sunday of how truly horrible a lot of parents are. His father, you see, was a complete asshole who beat his children.

John spent Saturday night with his son Johnny and then went over his friend Brandon�s and was there until 4:30am (it�s unheard of for John to stay out that late). Anyway, they were comparing war stories about their parents. So Sunday morning, John was relaying those stories to me. You know, like the one about the first time John�s father slugged him with a closed fist and sent him flying through the closet door, breaking not only John�s nose, but the closet door. Or the time John raked up the leaves in the yard, only to have more fall off the tree (of course) so his dad thought he didn�t rake them at all, so he beat him with the rake.

John himself is 6'4" and is HUGE. His hands are like the size of my head. His father was even bigger. John has one of his old rings and holy cow! I could fit like three of my fingers in that ring. So you can imagine - if that man hit you, you felt it boy howdy!

Yeah, good times.

Anyway�I have a meeting in half an hour that I must prepare for.

~~~

Word of the Day for Wednesday December 15, 2004

hoi polloi hoi-puh-LOI, noun:
The common people generally; the masses.

last / next



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