It was rather painful at the time and continues to give me little twinges of "why, that bastard..." when I think about it. He was a very good friend. In fact, he was probably my best friend. He knew me extremely well and was fond of me anyway. We would talk for hours. I could tell him anything. We laughed a whole lot; I loved the way his mind worked; loved his sense of humor; loved to hear his opinion on things.

And we never met in person.

Yep, you guessed it - he was someone I met online. And since he lives in New York and I on what is known out there as "the other coast" and circumstances were never conducive to our meeting in person, we never did.

In the beginning, of course, all we had was e-mail. At the time, our relationship romantically reminded me of one which may have developed in centuries past; before there were such things as telephones and travel was not so easy as a quick trip to the airport. I suppose it was like something out of You've Got Mail.

When I actually took the time to think about the fact that we had never met in person, our relationship seemed very odd, of course. Especially since I was closer to him than I was to most of the other people in my life at the time. That's why I never really took the time to think about it that much.

In fact, I think it was so easy to get so close to him because we had never met in person. First of all, we barely even knew what one another looked like. Therefore, when he ended up liking me so much I knew it was genuine - it had nothing whatsoever to do with what I looked like. Also, at least initially, there was a sense of anonimity. It was easy to be open and free because hey - he wouldn't have known me had I walked right past him and he certainly didn't know any of the same people as I. Somehow, opening up to him in e-mails and over the telephone, not having to look him in the eye, was effortless. And the doing so helped me out at a time when I really needed the help.

I'm not saying that all we did was talk about big ol' emotional drama and the Big Questions of Life. In fact, we rarely did. Just knowing him and knowing that he cared about me meant a great deal to me.

Anyway, he won't talk to me anymore and I miss him a whole bunch. It's my hunch (since I never received an actual explanation, I figure I'm entitled to a hunch or two) that he stopped talking to me because of my relationship with John; he didnt want to be the reason that John and I didn't work out.

Now, how pompous is that?

As you have probably guessed by now, the dude didn't write back.

Why, that bastard...

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