I just discovered, though, that this other diarist out there (whom I love and who is one of my favorites) is the favorite of over three hundred people out there in d-land. Three hundred people. Three-fucking-hundred people!

I feel so lonely.

However, my point is that, perhaps if I spent a little time and thought putting these entries together, more people would love me.

Haven�t we covered this before, though, and didn�t I decide that thought and time would negate the whole �Mind Vomit� concept? Or was it just that I�m lazy? I can�t recall. But I have a hunch.

As a aside note: It is over eighty degrees outside and I am sitting here at my desk with a fucking jacket on because it is freezing in here. Again. I am downright shivering, people.

Anyway, my sister Barbara e-mailed me this morning and asked if I�d heard from �Ewok� (her name for him, not mine). The answer is no.

I don�t understand you men.

I don�t really care that I haven�t heard from him. I mean, I liked him, but I wasn�t all crazy over him and frankly the relationship wouldn�t have gone anywhere anyway, so really its better to get it over and out of the way sooner rather than later (sorry, though, shivs � I have no tales of Republican Sex with which to entertain you). But here�s what happens with me and men. It happens rather often and I just never understand it at all. Shed some light and you will have my eternal gratitude.

In Ewok�s case, we met and he fell head over heels for me (can you blame him?)�supposedly. I met him on Thursday night and gave him my business card, which means he only had my work number. He called me the following Monday and we went out that night. He seemed to be real gone over me, which already makes me suspect because in my book I�m like - dude, you don�t even know me, yet. Wait a minute or two before you start naming our children, OK? So the next day, Tuesday, I got sick and left work at noon. I stayed home from work on Wed. but called in to check my voice mail messages and he had called me. So I called his cell phone so that I could give him my home number. We only talked for like two minutes because, as you may recall, I had the razor-blades-in-my-throat-disease-from-hell. All seemed to be OK, though.

I heard from him the following Monday. He left a message on my home machine saying he had been in New Jersey all weekend and he would try to call me at work that day (Monday) because he was hoping to see me that night. I didn�t hear from him while I was at work and, as it turns out, I went out with others after work on Monday and did not get home until late - too late to return his call. On Tuesday, I had plans to go out with BN after work. I got home at about 9:00pm and called his cell phone. I left him a message and in that message I explained why it had taken me a whopping 36 hours to get back to him. It was only the day after he had called me. That�s not a long time to wait before returning his call right?

So anyway, I never heard from him again.

My question is this: Why do guys act like they�re all ga-ga over you immediately, when everybody knows they�re full of shit? Do they think we�re buying it (because I, for one, am not) or is it that they�re so fickle and desperate for affection that they honestly think they are ga-ga over you right away, only to become ga-ga over someone else they meet the next week?

Is this some silly way of attempting to get into our pants? Because A) It isn�t working and B) You really needn�t bother. If I want you to get in my pants, you will, regardless of how ga-ga you appear to be.

This kind of thing happens to me all the time. I swear, if I ever date someone who wants to move slowly and realizes he will not be able to fall in love with me within the first five minutes of our first date and so he needn�t bother pretending to do so, I will marry that man...or at least I will become his love slave. Because I have news for you, guys: It means a hell of a lot more when you love me after you get to know me. When you get all ga-ga crazy for me on the first date, I have a sinking suspicion that either you're not being genuine or you are only interested in some very superficial stuff. Duh!

The last person I actually was a little love-crazy over was this guy Troy. We dated like a year and a half ago. He was a friend of a friend and knew of me before he knew me. Anyway, we first started an e-mail relationship that was really rather fun. We e-mailed each other several times a day, then started talking on the phone all the time and finally, after like two weeks of this, we met in person.

Now, I really liked Troy. He was literate. He actually liked to read, people. He was also kind of funny, very sweet, liked the outdoors and, as I found out later, was one damn fine kisser. I was excited about him. He was only like the third or fourth guy I dated after John broke off our engagement, though, so I guess it could be said I was a tad vulnerable at the time. Being vulnerable and excited about a guy is not a good combination.

He seemed very excited about me, too, though. In a less vulnerable state, I would have been suspect, as I am when that happens now. But at the time it seemed fine and natural, because I was also excited. Especially after I found out about the dy-no-mite kissing. Yowza.

Suffice it to say that after several weeks of basically toying with me, he finally decided he didn�t want to date me.

The thing I didn�t understand was that he didn�t have to do any of that. I am not a person who plays games and I want men to be honest with me and not play them, either. I know you men don�t believe us when we say we want honesty, but this gal in particular does. If what you want is a one night stand, tell me that�s what you want. I may or may not decide that I want one to. Not telling me does not improve your chance of getting laid at all. It just makes you an asshole for lying about it.

I may not be making sense, here. My point is that men seem to think they have to act like they�re in freakin� love from the first date out. I have never dated one of those guys who waits the obligatory number of days before calling, because he doesn�t want to seem overly-eager, and then plays ultra-hard-to-get. Do those guys really even exist? Because I haven�t met one since I became of legal drinking age. I always end up with the guy who calls you the night he met you, just to make sure you made it home OK. Then he proceeds to make plans like three months in the future, using the �we� word and the �us� word, when you�ve only known him for a week (both Troy and Ewok were doing that). Usually it kind of freaks me out.

Are men doing this because this is how they think they will get laid? Or are they doing it because�well, just because they�re freaks, desperate for love?

Because, again I say it � if you just want to get laid, just be honest about it. Troy hurt my feelings and didn�t have to. And I told him he didn�t have to. We�re both adults, here. If I want to have sex with someone I haven�t known very long (we had sex after our first real date), that�s my decision and it has nothing to do with the fact that you are using the �we� and �us� words (which, even though I totally wanted to nail Troy and I liked him a lot, were kind of freaking me out. My thought was, �I just want what feels good right now � do we have to make plans to go to Catalina in the Spring just so I can get some action?�). You don�t have to lie to me for like six weeks afterward. That just makes you a turd, when otherwise it would have been a nice experience on which I looked back fondly. It would have been a nice way to get over that �How do I have sex with someone other than John, after only having had sex with him for the last like eight years?� hurdle for me. Instead, now I think back on it as a mistake � not because of the sex, but because you ended up acting like an ass.

(In his defense, I honestly think Troy was just very confused. He wanted to fall in love and it just wasn�t happening with me. Rather than just let whatever was going to happen with me happen, he just agonized over it instead. I think he felt like he had to fall in love with everyone he had sex with, rather than just letting it be what it was. But still � the end result was the same. And I don�t think his case was typical.)

Anyway, my computer has been back up for like half and hour now, so I suppose I should get back to work. Any of you brilliant people out there, though, who may have a clue into the mind that is Man�s, please enlighten me.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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