1. I may be far too picky to do well with online dating.

2. If you use a phrase like �No offense to the fat-bottomed girls� in your profile, you are rather offensive and probably to many.

3. If you�re looking for a �good girl,� look the other way�didn�t you read about how I am more Mae West than Donna Reed?

4. Did you read anything on my profile? At all?

5. If you are just looking for someone to go on your Alaskan cruise with you, because your girlfriend dumped you well in advance of the trip, look elsewhere.

6. Stating clearly that you both drink and do drugs �regularly� and/or �often� � hey, I admire your honesty. How�s that working for ya?

7. Why are so many of you guys looking for women who are in excess of ten years younger than you? 35 is apparently the age cut-off for most men. I never knew this before.

8. Seriously, dude�this is not 1987. And you are not Axl Rose. Cut that Hanoi-Rocks-hair off and you may find you don�t even need to resort to internet-dating.

9. Stop acting like you�re all embarrassed by the whole internet-dating scenario. I�ve now seen your profile on three different internet-dating services.

10. Apparently, there are a lot of lonely, single guys in Los Feliz.

11. If you send me an email and I don�t respond within five minutes, don�t email me again demanding to know why I�m not interested.

12. What part of �right-wing nuts need not apply� was vague, to you?

13. When I say I�d like to see a picture, I don�t really mean one of your dog. Your German Shepherd is cute�but the fact that you sent me his picture, instead of yours, makes me wonder if you might have suffered some horribly disfiguring accident.

14. Telling me in your profile how great a kisser you are is for some reason a huge turn-off.

15. Telling me how great you are in bed is not just a turn-off � it is simply laughable.

16. Who are you trying to attract with that picture of you in full armor?

17. Don�t ask for my phone number after sending me all of two emails. What am I, nuts?

18. Seriously, cruise-dude. I am not going to Alaska with you next month.

19. Passion does NOT equal Restraining Order

20. See? I may just be too picky to be very good at this.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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