Mind Vomit by the ikss ~ a journal

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Tuesday, May. 25, 2004
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�Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead�
-Lucille Ball

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
--Theodore Roosevelt, 1918

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"The time is always right to do what is right"
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The "seven social sins": Knowledge without character,
Science without humanity,
Wealth without work,
Commerce without morality,
Politics without principles,
Pleasure without conscience,
Worship without self-sacrifice."
--Gandhi

"We have not inherited the world from our forfathers -
We have borrowed it from our children."
--Kashmiri, proverb

So Road Rules won the Inferno last night. Bummer. However, they really deserved to win. They kicked ass throughout the whole competition, losing only four challenges (and one of those on purpose). Plus, aside from their troubles with Katie, they had more of an actual �team� � much less in-fighting (which is odd, for Road Rules).

Anyway...I am disgustingly busy, so in lieu or a real entry I offer up yet another email eavesdrop to keep ya�ll in the loop of my life (where I know you crave to be). I think some info may be rather repetitious, but hey � I have no time to edit.

Enjoy.

-----Original Message-----
From: Barbara
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 2004 10:23 AM
To: Karen
Subject: (no subject)

Hi-

How you doing? So.... have you called Sondra back? What did you decide to do about that? I spoke to her yesterday when she was over at Mom's. Of course she has not mentioned anything about you to me, and I certainly hope she doesn't. We are getting together Sat, June 12 for June's birthday.

Your Mother was bugging me this morning. She was dissing Shaq! I said, yeah, yeah, tell me about it when he wins his 4th NBA finals MVP! We were mostly joking but she still bugged. I'm going to have to take my patience pills (don't you wish there actually was such a thing?!) when we go to Kentucky. Wish me luck.

Hope you're having a good day. My elbows are hurting a little. They didn't bother me over the weekend at all! Alisa and I took a great walk yesterday. My heel hurts a little from that. My heels have actually been much better so I don't know why it wanted to hurt this time. Alisa said her legs really hurt afterward.

b

-----Original Message-----
From: Karen
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:20 AM
To: Barbara
Subject: (no subject)

Hola!

I was just thinking this morning � we hardly corresponded yesterday! What�s up with that???

Actually, as I�m sure you are, I have been very busy. The Little Big Man has been out sick the past two days. Rob W. is on a business trip all week. Two other people in my dept. called in sick yesterday (they�re both back today) and I let Kim go home at 2:00 (her mother�s in town and they wanted to hang out). Kim then had to take her mom to the airport this morning, so she just got here. *whew* This all translates in to my phone ringing off the hook and my being continually busy all day.

Well, I�m glad to hear that Sondra is not neglecting you and June just because she and I are not speaking. That�s a relief because I was feeling bad about that possibility.

I haven�t called Sondra, mainly because I was so busy yesterday that I had no time to do so. When she emailed us all that Citibank story, I replied and told her I appreciated her calling, but I was just very busy and hadn�t had time to get back to her, let alone time to meet for a drink. I don�t know, though � she may have logged off before she saw my email because she didn�t reply. If she did read it, she probably doesn�t believe I�m that busy anyway and let�s face it � it�s not like I couldn�t squeeze her in in the evening some time.

Why couldn�t she just have waited like six months? I�m sure I�d be ready to talk to her by then. I think I�m going to end up just calling her sometime this week, but not meeting for a drink. I thought about it while I was getting dressed this morning, but the time got away from me. I have no desire to even talk to her at all, though. I�m not mad at her, exactly � I just can�t deal with all of that drama and I must admit that I�m not even all that concerned about her well-being anymore. Part of me knows she needs some serious help, but right now most of me is just sick of her and feels like if she�s not going to do anything to help herself or her family get out of the hell hole they have made for themselves, that�s her own damn fault. And I really don�t want to talk about this latest �situation� with her. My position is exactly the same as it was, but I don�t exactly want to say that to her face, either � it�s a harsh position I am taking and it�s not going to go over well. She is used to my just being nice and forgiving and admitting blame and that�s not what�s gonna happen this time. I also just don�t want to hear what she has to say right now, I really don�t; even if she truly wants to apologize, which frankly I don�t really believe � I don�t believe she is sorry for the things I think she should be sorry for anyway. Maybe I�m wrong. And the thing is, we both agreed we shouldn�t try to be close anymore � so why go out for a drink? If you want to talk to me, we can talk on the phone. It doesn�t mean we hate each other, it doesn�t even mean we�re still mad. It just means we realize that we can�t be close. She just assumes things are going to go back to normal, because I have always allowed them to.

I already apologized to her for assuming she was being irrational when she called me that day and that�s the only thing I did wrong. Frankly, I don�t need an apology from her anyway � I honestly don�t care if she�s sorry or not. The meeting and apology is just going to make her feel better and I don�t really care about that, either.

I know all of this sounds harsh, but that�s the way I feel about it all right now. I just don�t want her in my life at all and I don�t care to hear what she has to say about this whole thing. And I think it�s shitty that for her whole life she�s thought it�s OK to say a bunch of cruel things to me and then act like everything�s OK. It�s NOT OK to say that shit to me and I don�t care if she apologizes for it because it�s not like it won�t happen again if I let her back in to my life.

And I AM mad at Lou, who is her husband after all. I have nothing good to say about that man anymore � NOTHING.

I�m sure eventually I�ll be a little more warm-hearted about the whole thing, but it is far too soon. And the thing is, I don�t WANT to be warm-hearted about it all that much. I need to keep her out of my life in any real sense. I�m still going to see her at family shin-digs anyway � that�s plenty.

And I�m sorry if I�m the only one who feels this way, but our family shin-digs are a whole hell of a lot less stressful when she and her family are not there.

You mother bugs me pretty consistently. She wasn�t bothering me on Sunday, actually, which was nice for a change. And yes - I think we should invent a patience pill. We�d be billionaires in no time.

I am doing well. I think my changing the training walks back to Tues. & Thurs. is going to work much better for most people - I had three new people RSVP for tonight�s walk. :)

OK, it has taken me forever to finish this email, what with all the interruptions�:)

Have a great day!

Regards,
Karen

-----Original Message-----
From: Barbara
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:23 AM
To: Karen
Subject: (no subject)

You know and I know and everyone knows that the family get togethers are better without Sondra and her family there. Sad, but true.

I feel bad for her but we'll see what happens. She'll probably be crappy to me at June's birthday shindig. You know, the same old story. If she's unhappy, she pretty much takes it out on everyone.

Just keep me posted so that I know what's up when I have to see her.

The game is on at 6:00 ya know? Have a great walk. See you later.

b

-----Original Message-----
From: Karen
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:28 AM
To: Barbara
Subject: (no subject)

Yeah, I know I�ll miss the first half of the game. I can�t flake on my walkers, though. :(

I think it�s a good sign that Sondra even talked to you about June�s birthday, so hopefully she won�t take it out on you this time. That would say something about growth.

Thanks for being nice to me about this whole thing, though. I�m sure it�s not fun to be stuck in the middle. I�ll try not to talk about it much anymore.

Regards,
Karen

-----Original Message-----
From: Barbara
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:36 AM
To: Karen
Subject: (no subject)

You don't have to thank me and I'm the one who brought it up! It's hard not to talk about.

b

~~~

What Was the ikss Saying Two Years Ago?

�I now find that I have no desire whatsoever to work"

- - from ranting

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