I just got a dee-lightful phone call from none other than my sister Sondra, �your irrational sister�. What she said was that Lou �showed� her my email, that she was sorry he�d ever asked me to be in his band and that I am �such a bitch.�

Eyah. That was fun.

So now I�m a crying mess at work. I can�t go home because The Little Big Man is still in Mexico, I already told Kim she could leave early to go watch a hockey game with her friends and Rob W. has already gone for the day (plus, he had a Dr. appt. this morning regarding his cancer and I don�t know how well it went). I have to stay, at least for another hour or so (this all happened about an hour ago and I�ve only now regained a little bit of control over myself), because there are some end-of-day things which need to be done and I am now the only one left who can do them.

I have no idea if he really showed her the email. He was no longer at work when I called him there, so I assume he is home and I�m not exactly gonna call him there. My hunch is that she looked through his email while at my parents�, on their computer (Sondra and Lou don�t have one at their house), but again � I�m not exactly gonna call them right this second because if that�s what happened she�ll still be there.

So needless to say, I won�t be singing with the band at all. Plus, I doubt I�ll be going to see them play any time in the near future. Well, I guess the bright side is that there�s no chance of my obsession over the Hunky Drummer resurfacing, since I won�t even be seeing him.

If Lou did, in fact, show Sondra that email�I really have no idea what to say about it. I sincerely doubt he did, but I also can�t believe he ever would have given her his email password (he uses a Yahoo account and uses it mainly for work) so right now I don�t know what to think.

I would just like to point out that, even though I called my sister irrational in that email, I was still extremely nice in that letter; especially considering the bullshit I�ve been put through in the last month over this band and my efforts to be supportive of Lou. Moreover, I have always been extremely nice to Lou and Sondra � from trying to get him better jobs on more than one occasion, to being supportive of his bands, to giving them money and paying for Jeremy�s doctor visits when they didn�t have insurance, to putting up with Sondra�s drunken ramblings and trying to be supportive of her emotional dilemmas, to other stuff which, believe it or not, I do not feel right taking about in a public forum. Suffice it to say that I've put up with more than my fair share of bullshit, because I love these people. And I've not just put up with stuff; I've gone out of my way to be helpful and loving and just plain nice. I'm not saying they haven't been supportive of me, too. I'm just defending myself. I am not a villian, here.

My sin is that, while I love Sondra and want to be as good a sister as I can, I will not tolerate her irrational behavior and will not allow her nutso-ness to make me any more nutso than I already am on my own.

And I might also point out that this is the second time she�s gotten mad at me over something I wrote in emails to other people � the first email was sent to our mother and she had no right to read it at all. I have yet to find out if she had the right to read this one.

And I will also say this: Several weeks ago, when Sondra was staying at my parents� house because of a fight with Lou, here�s what happened: She threw a hot, chicken pot pie at him and he smacked her.

These are the people I�m dealing with, here. These are the people I am trying to be so nice to and supportive of. I have not judged Lou for hitting my sister, because frankly if someone threw a piping hot chicken pot pie at me, my fists would be flyin�. I have also not judged Sondra for throwing said pot pie (is it me, or does this sound much more amusing than it really was?) because�well, she is Sondra. She is very troubled. They were both in the wrong. And they are now going to counseling, which was obviously the best course of action and just as obviously is something they both need.

Right now, I just want to disassociate myself from my entire fucking family, many members of which are going to hear her version of the �truth� I feel somewhat certain (and believe me when I say that her versions of the truth are often far from it, although she totally seems to believe her versions). I want to run away to Santa Fe and start my life all over again, where nobody knows me.

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