I did have a rather yummy Mexican food lunch, though. Plus, I have leftovers. Therefore, I consider the onion-mouth a necessary evil.

For the first time since I made my journal a public affair, I decided to see how many people have me listed as one of their favorites. Ouch. Boy, oh boy...I guess I�m not as sweet and charming as I like to think. Plus, I have the sinking suspicion that the few people who have listed me as one of their favorites did so only because I have them listed as one of mine (except for this Mickey225 person. That journal is locked, so even though he/she may in fact write what could possibly be one of my faves, I really would have no idea because I�ve never read it). Plus, two of the people who have me listed are, in fact, one and the same. This means my number is really even lower than it would appear.

*Sob* Nobody loves me, everybody hates me...

I have no intention, though, of eating worms.

I�m still giving a convincing performance of someone with Tuberculosis. This makes...what? Three months now of continuous coughing and thereby irritating those unfortunate enough to work close to my office? Perhaps I should get my lungs to a doctor...I am just sick of doctors. I�m not a doctor-going kind of gal, aside from that once a year appointment all we gals have to make. Another thing is, I started seeing a new doctor a few months back, because I�ve really been having several things go awry, physically speaking, for about the past year. Well, this new doctor pissed me off. I mentioned that I had gone to see him and he basically did nothing in three appointments but refer me to a Urologist. Following is a complete list of my complaints:

1. I initially went to see him because I was afraid there was something wrong with my heart. Also, I have had some odd booby-stuff happening. I wanted to start by having a full physical and go from there. I had not had a physical since�hell, I don�t think I�ve ever had one. Because I was having heart problems, he supposedly ran an EKG when I went in. I say �supposedly� because�The technician at the time of the test was having a very hard time getting the little electrodes or whatever they are to stick to me. It seems the kind of body lotion I used that morning made it hard for the little doo-hickies to stick to me. So obviously I knew there was a problem, but she told me that she was finally able to get a reading. The doctor later told me my EKG was fine. During my last appointment there, they inadvertently left me alone in an exam room with my file. I of course decided to look it over. My EKG didn�t even get a fucking reading at all! Since the Doctor told me there was no problem with the reading, I believed them both. Silly me. Needless to say, this has left me quite upset. I could be sitting here with a horrible heart problem and not even know about it.

2. During the follow-up appointment to my physical, I had the added problem of what I thought was a bladder infection. Therefore, I peed in a cup for them and he gave me a prescription. As mentioned before, my first urine sample for this guy was never even sent to a lab. This was obvious because when I went back because my �bladder infection� had not gone away after two weeks, they were scrambling around trying to find my old sample and test it only then � two weeks later.

3. My final appointment with them (when I went back because the bladder problem had not gone away) was a complete waste of my $10 co-payment. I know, I know, not much money; but still�it�s the principle of the thing. All they did was say, �hey, we don�t know what�s wrong with your bladder, so here � go to this Urologist. Thank you for your ten bucks and have a nice day.� That was the same day I found the fucked up EKG, so I haven�t been back.

4. On the booby-issue�well, I won�t go in to a lot of detail, but shit is happening which should not be happening. His response was that I should make another appointment and come in for my pap and we�d do a Mammogram at the same time. At the time he said this, I was far more worried about my heart than my boob, plus I thought I�d be going back to see him for the pap in September, so I just let it go.

Anyway, so I need to find another doctor. I think with my insurance I can just go to a Gynecologist with no problems, so hopefully I can get the booby taken care of with no problem, along with my woman-plumbing. I�m still worried about my heart, though, and I have the sinking feeling that even when I can switch doctors my insurance is gonna get that bill and say, �What? You just had a physical a few months ago! We ain�t payin� for this!�

As far as my lungs go, in all honesty I haven�t been very worried about the coughing, except that it�s irritating and I haven�t been able to sing this whole time. I�ve always had lung problems, though, so it�s kind of easy for me to just ignore the hacking. Plus�uh�I do have a tendency to ride the mota-madness highway and, you know�it may help if I quit!

My sister Sondra, the one who isn�t supposed to be talking to me, has started e-mailing me on occasion. She�s also called me a couple of times, although she makes sure to do so like during the day when I�ll be at work and she only has to talk to my answering machine. Whatever. Anyway, she sent me this irritating e-mail entitled �Thank You, Mr. Clinton� this afternoon. If I hadn�t immediately deleted it, I would transcribe it for you, but suffice it to say that this e-mail was in no way really thanking Clinton for any of the great things he did for our country.

You know�on the rare occasion that I forward e-mails to people, I only do so if:

A. I know they�ll find it either funny or interesting

B. It�s not some f�n chain e-mail that warns of impending doom if you don�t immediately forward it to at least ten people

C. I KNOW THEY�LL FIND IT EITHER FUNNY OR INTERESTING!!!

I don�t push my politics on other people (believe it or not. This is my journal � I am free to push my politics here). I can�t believe she had the�whatever it took to send me that fucking e-mail. My sister Barbara was even more pissed off than I was.

As far as Clinton goes and for the record: I am someone who really believed in Clinton. I even worked on his campaign. I truly think he did a lot of wonderful things for our economy, for advanced education and for our environment. I was extremely disappointed in his stupidity when it came to keeping Mr. Johnson in his pants. I am extremely let down that now all he is going to be known for is the fact that he had two orgasms all over Monica Lewinski�s dress. He was just stupid for doing any of that and then for trying to cover it up. I have no argument with that, except that it should never have gotten as far as it did, because hey � let�s face it: who wouldn�t lie about having their dick in the mouth of someone who is not their wife?

Anyway, Sondra is spending Thanksgiving with the family and in all honesty, I�m not looking forward to it. She usually finds a way to get out of family get-togethers, especially holidays. This has been going on for years, way before she got mad at me � I was just her latest excuse. Frankly, it�s a lot more fun when she�s not there. You just never know how she will be and so everybody walks on eggshells around her.

I know everybody has one of these in their family, right? It really pisses me off. She�s a bitch and so everybody else has to pay for it and practically alter our natural behavior. �Ooh�don�t piss Sondra off, by all means!� It sucks. And frankly, her kid is a freak, too. I blame her, though. She and her husband are the absolute worst parents I have ever come across. Hopefully, her kid will grow out of his freakdom. I�m afraid there is little hope for her.

I like her husband, though. That would be the �Lou� I�ve mentioned before. We were friends before they were. He played guitar and bass for a band I was in � Mocositos. Anyway, he and I are still friends, but what sucks is that we pretty much have to hide that fact from his own wife. He only calls me at work and he burns CDs for me and mails them to me from his work so she won�t know.

Such nonsense and all because his wife has a whole lot of misdirected anger.

I know I�m coming off like a heartless fiend, here. You have to understand that Sondra and I were very close for our whole lives. She�s only 3 years older than me. I put up with her emotional abuse for faaaaaaar too long, believe me. It�s only been in the last few years that I finally decided that I will not do this any longer. I will live my life the way I want to and if it upsets her, well that�s her own damn fault. I am always totally there for her and her family if they ever need me (I could write an entire journal on just how I�ve been there for her) and that has not changed. But I will not put up with her lunacy when I don�t have to. I even understand why she is the way she is � we suffered through a very similar childhood and it was not fun, I assure you. I just don�t excuse her behavior just because I understand it.

OK, let�s talk about nice things for once, shall we? Saturday, Nov. 23 is John�s birthday. I got him some new bar-b-que tools as his present. I know, not very romantic on the surface but if you knew how he loved his bar-b-que, you�d know how much he is going to love me when he opens his gift. Anyway, I was also going to take him to dinner at this lovely Italian restaurant where the waiters sing opera arias. We�ve never been there, but I�ve heard great things about it. So last weekend I asked that he not make any plans for the night of his birthday and he got a strange look on his face. "Uh�why not?" He asked me. I explained that I had plans for us. He then said that he kind of wanted to go back to the spa. Well, hell; this is a much better idea than mine! We can go to the Italian place any old time!

So for John�s birthday, he is taking me to Palm Springs for the weekend. :) Should I call him Sugar Daddy? Oh, OK, I�ll take him out to dinner. He wants to go to that Steak House we loved so much last time. We�re staying somewhere different and seemingly nicer this time. It�s in Palm Springs, too, rather than Desert Hot Springs (which is right next door, but I feel the need to be accurate, here). Of course, I found the place � I always find the places. All of our little trips (and there are many) are planned by me. Even when I try to include him and ask his preferences, he usually leaves the decisions up to me. To his credit, he has never once complained about anything I�ve chosen, but still�it would be nice to have him plan something just once. And, you know, just whisk me away; just call me up and say, �Hey, pack a bag Tiger Pus, we�re going away for the weekend.�

Oh yeah � he sometimes calls me Tiger Pus. Isn�t that sick? In a sweet way, of course.

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~~~~~~~~~~~peace, love and smooches~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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Copyright 2002-2005, Howl-at-the-Moon Words



***DISCLAIMER: These are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. If you know me in my "real life" off the net and have come across this page purely by accident, please keep in mind that you were not invited here and I would suggest you leave this page now. However, should you choose not to do so, please be warned that reading my thoughts here is not an invitation to discuss them off-line. You may discover things you do not know about me and may not like very much. Such is life. Again, this is MY space and I will use it as I see fit. If you are offended by anything here, well that's pretty much your own fault at this point. I say all of this with love, of course, but there it is.