Mind Vomit by the ikss ~ a journal
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Tuesday, Sept. 02, 2003let me get back to you
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�Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead�
-Lucille Ball
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
--Theodore Roosevelt, 1918
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"The "seven social sins": Knowledge without character,
Science without humanity,
Wealth without work,
Commerce without morality,
Politics without principles,
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Worship without self-sacrifice."
--Gandhi
"We have not inherited the world from our forfathers -
We have borrowed it from our children."
--Kashmiri, proverb
Aside from eating, we also relaxed quite a bit and took walks. I like it when he walks with me because he brings along his GPS and we get an exact reading on mileage. On Saturday, we walked 6.3 miles; Sunday we walk just over 4. I wanted to walk farther on both days, but somewhere along the line Saturday I hurt my foot.
The good news is that, although my shins still hurt for the first 2 miles or so, the pain wasn�t quite so bad as usual. I guess my little legs are getting used to my walking more than I used to. The bad news is, as I said, I have now hurt my right foot.
The bottoms of my feet started hurting last Thursday, just from walking so much; especially my right heel (I think I just need to get some padded insoles for my shoes). Now I have pulled something in my right foot. My thinking is that in trying to compensate for the pain in that heel, maybe I pulled something in another part of the foot? I have no idea, but it still hurts. I didn�t walk at all yesterday and am now trying to decide if I should lay off of it for a while or push through this injury. Actually, right this second my foot is fine, but that�s because I am wearing heels and all of my weight is therefore on the balls of my feet, which is not the injured area.
I�m thinking I should have decided to do this Breast Cancer 3-Day thing when I was a lot younger.
I am going to a 3-Day sponsored clinic on Saturday which is specifically about taking care of our feet, so hopefully I�ll learn some key tips then. I just find all of these injuries rather amusing. I mean, I have always been a rather active and outdoorsy kind of gal. Why am I now having so many problems? What am I doing? Walking. Why so many problems doing something I pretty much do every day anyway?
In other news, I am rather happy because I found a store selling my favorite hair care product: the Framesi Shine In line, specifically the Shine In Hair Polish. I love this stuff. LOVE IT. When I wear my hair straight, nothing works as nicely to take away the frizz and leave my hair very shiny. Sadly, shortly after my discovering it last year, every beauty supply store in Southern California apparently decided, unanimously, to stop carrying the stuff. I can�t find it anywhere. Framesi doesn�t even have a freakin� web page, either. So last week, on the tail end of one of my walks, I happened by a beauty supply store I had never been in before (and frankly didn�t even know existed). I decided to pop in and see if by chance they carried the Shine In line, as I am wont to do whenever I pass by a new beauty supply store. And what to my wondering eyes did appear but three tubes of Shine In Hair Polish! Yippee! I grabbed two of them and made my way toward the front of the store, at which time I was informed that even this store would no longer be carrying the Shine In line once they were sold out. So I grabbed the last tube. Three tubes and then I will be back to dilemma square one.
I have actually now found some web pages that still sell the stuff, so hopefully I may be kept in supply, going forward. I hope so. Seriously, nothing makes my hair look as good or if it does, the look doesn�t last long. Like I�ll leave my house looking great and after three hours in some sleazy bar my hair will be all frizzy and I�ll be fretting. That�s just no good.
There is more work crap going on today, but I just don�t want to even think about it anymore, let alone write about it. Suffice it to say that work is sucking right now and I kind of feel like I am a suspect in this case of the missing money. I don�t like that feeling at all. But then on the flip side I feel very guilty because ultimately it is all my responsibility. This just sucks the big nut.
Re John�over the weekend, we kind of broached the subject of getting back together. Kind of. We didn�t get very far in to the conversation, really. John brought it up and my basic reaction was that if we�re going to be together then we should actually be together � none of this living three hundred miles apart crap. We should actually be in a real relationship, ready and willing to work out any problems which may arise � you know, like normal adults. Here�s the thing with us � over the past couple of years, we have not been officially �together�. Therefore, we are not in compromising, work for the relationship-mode. This means that whenever any problem or argument came up, we were not interested in preserving the relationship. We were each only interested in preserving ourselves � get my drift? This attitude is not conducive to building a healthy relationship.
Plus, I�m not saying we should necessarily live together, but the fact that we waste so much money living apart should also be considered. The wasted money frustrates me every time one of us is short on funds. I told him that the bottom line for me is, though, that if we were still going to live 300 miles apart, I didn�t see any reason to get �back together� because we would just be postponing the inevitable.
I guess we�re going to readdress the matter in the coming weeks. I think he is coming down again next weekend, but if not I will see him the weekend of the 12th as I am going up to visit him.
I have mixed feelings about getting back together, in truth. On the one hand, I care a lot about him and enjoy his company. Do I love him? Hmm�can�t really tell you right now. I love him, but am I �in love�? Uh�dunno. Let me get back to you. I think the best thing would be for one of us to win the lottery. If I still wanted to get back together without having any financial reasons whatsoever, that would be a great test. I�m not saying I want him for his money, but I will say that I worry about how he�s going to handle his retirement; I worry about him not going to the doctor on a regular basis. I worry, dammit. And yes, it pisses me off that after almost two years of living in the rad pad, I still haven�t been able to buy the furniture I want and it would be a whole lot easier to do that were he around sharing expenses with me. I hate to even admit that I think about that, but where else can I be so honest, if not in my journal?
And while we�re on the subject, if we�re going to get back together I wish we�d do it before October because I want to throw myself a birthday party and would really like to buy a new sofa beforehand�
If John were really willing to work on our relationship and I am able to get back in to that mode, all defenses down, I think we could make it work. I think. We obviously have a lot holding us together and if we can just get past some obstacles�you can practically watch as the defenses kick in when we get in to a disagreement nowadays. Not just him � both of us.
The real question then becomes, do I trust him? Do I trust that he will try to make this work and in doing so, will I be able to let all defenses down and throw myself in to a partnership with him?
uh�dunno. Let me get back to you.
~~~
P.S. Ooh, and in other work-related news: Leigh G. was fired this morning. As he is not on the official list of those now running for Governor of California, I'm thinking he didn't get his $3500 in on time or something. Too bad, cuz it would appear he now needs the job.
Yes, this is me, being callous again. Sadly, the man really didn't do his job well and I am therefore not surprised by this latest development.
~~~
Word of the Day for Sunday August 31, 2003
flout FLOWT, transitive verb:
To treat with contempt and disregard; to show contempt for.
intransitive verb:
To mock, to scoff.
noun:
Mockery, scoffing.
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